Collapsing Duality...Journal

To contact Brendan and Paula click:

Click Here to go to Our Journal 8



10/14/2009 Update #3

Click Here to see original sketches that Paula and I made during the initial discovery of our higher selves.


10/14/2009 Update #2

As a journal entry I wanted to put down that yesterday morning, Protharus woke me up before my alarm clock could go off. I heard this screeching squeeling sound in my right ear - not like the typical buzz sound that I hear when he nornally contacts me. For a brief moment I zoned into him and could see him. I remember him saying something like, "that was quite a journal update that you did." I think he was referencing the 10/12 entry where I was losing my mind.

Anyway, last night I was contacted by Iparoth. I could see him and right after the experience, I awoke and remembered what he told me. However, my lazy butt could not get out of bed and so by the time I awoke this morning, I had forgotten the message.

I just got off of the phone with Paula who is doing well, but like me, in  a lot of pain and feeling lost. Anyway, she was contacted by Iparoth as well.


Ever wonder what we were doing before Collapsing Duality started? Well, Paula and I talked about sharing what we were doing before this site and decided that we should post the link to Dhani and Elias.


I began working on this site about 2 weeks after we met on Second Life. I wanted to use it as a medium to declare my love for Paula.

I named it Dhani and Elias after our SL character names. Paula chose Dhani because she is a big fan of George Harrison. I chose Elias because because it is a Greek name and I am fascinated by that culture.

The link for Dhani and Elias will also be available from the "Our Story" page.




I hope you enjoyed our latest photo gallery that I posted. These pix were taken mostly on the beach in Sandwich, MA at the entrance of the Cape Cod Canal. This is one of Paula's favorite places to go because of the quality of rocks that are there. She used to like to take home bags of them and then polish/smooth them out in her machine that she bought. She collected these rocks because they give energy - certain rocks. I tried it too and each one had certain energy that you could feel when you held it in your hand. We had a lot of fun walking on those beaches and collecting rocks for energy.

Anyway, i'm not going to sit here and tell you how much pain I am in and complain to you, the reader. I am not going write in this journal entry how much I would like to kick Protilius' ass all over the galaxy for such a painful path that I chose anyway. Yup, I asked for this path and it will probably kill me eventually if this stuff keeps happening. My heart can only handle so much and due to circumstances beyond our control, we are forced to part for a little while. Instead, I will force down this lump that has been sitting in my throat for days and try and give you a journal entry.

The day we took those pix that I posted in the latest photo gallery, we started out at the local store where the psychics give their readings. They all know us very well in there by now and whenever we go in there we always end up shooting the shit with everybody. They do like our energy and we like their energy. By simply being company with one another, we have an energy exchange that leaves everybody feeling better. I know Paula and I felt better. We felt so good after that, we went to the beach and started kissing all over the place. Every time we kissed, Paula would hold up her camera and take a snapshot and that's how we got all those pix.

We ate lunch, (not really lunch) that was more like an appetizer of nachos and cheese and beer from the tap. At one point, Paula noticed a woman across the bar having a colorful drink and she asked the woman what she was having. The woman told her it was a Madras. I knew immediately that Paula thought she said, mattress. LOL! I immeditately told Paula that she said Madras but it was too late. Paula shouted out to her, "a mattress? I gotta try one of those." By then, the bartender was cracking up and I was pissing myself and finally relayed to Paula that she said madras. Paula laughed when she understood. She has a special way of bringing out the laughter in everybody. She is a Saint. Anyway, about 5 minutes later, the bartender walked up to Paula with a madras and said that the drink was for her, courtesy of the woman across the bar. The pic (from the photo gallery) where Paula is sipping from a straw is the one where she is holding the mattress ;) Ooops! Did I say mattress? Hell - you know what was on our minds with just a few days left to go ;) What would anybody expect two Twin Flames to do, with the clock ticking - play crazy 8's? Hell NO!

Damn it, I did it again :) About face and insert foot. Okay, I better shut up. If I cannot stop this rant, then I'm sure that when Paula reads this, she will end up breaking her leg off in my ass when she begins journeying to me again.

Okay, that's it. I promise I'm done - for a bit ;) Really I am. Trust me ;)

For the days leading up to 10/11/2009 - the day Paula left to back to Ohio, we were very busy lugging and packing and moving and cleaning. It was hard work but her mom came out to help out with things and did an amazing job. I LOVE YOU RUTH - YOU"RE THE BEST! Ruth is an Angel incarnate and I told her that too ;) 

In the days leading up to Paula's departure, we would lay in bed and stare into each others eyes. We had so much to say, but were in so much pain that we coldn't verbalize it. Therefore, we said it with our eyes. The connection that Paula and I have is about simply knowing. In this knowing, there are no words that really need to be said because you just know :)

During those last few weeks/days, we would go through periods where we would shut down, cry and then make all the love we could until we couldn't anymore. Then, the process would start all over again. It's been a roller coaster, emotionally speaking.

I talked to Paula last night after I posted those photos. She was still driving and we cried our eyes out while we were on the phone with each other.

I keep talking to Elloweina and she keeps assuring me that we will certainly see each other again on 11/11/2009.

I was in communication with Protharus and Idagordava, but since I have been so pre-occupied with all of these changes and a truck load of sadness, I haven't been able to tune in very well. By the way, they are doing great say that they would like to meet us very soon :) So there's something to look forward to. I ask you for a moment to imagine what it would be like for 4 people who are part of a soul family, divided by an ocean, who have found each other through journeying, to meet.

I dream of that day the four us can meet. Paula does too. In fact, we both dreamed about it before we ever even knew of them. I had these dreams a few years ago and Paula had them just this year. Protharus has had the same ones, as well.

Notha' note: I got an idea for a new "name that tune" song. Ya ready??? I am going to put down a line to a classic song and you have to email me the name of that song and who recorded it.

"Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis
When I was dead broke, man I couldn't picture this."

If I don't get one email from this classic line, of a classic song, then you can add cheese cake to that grocery list of things to put on my desk in the morning.

Send to me, WHO RECORDED THIS SONG AND THE NAME OF THIS SONG and I will make sure your that the world knows who you are- if ya want ;)

Email: Brendan

When I get the email with the correct answer, I will post post the link to that video here, along with the winner.

P.S. - Yes I have gone crazy since Paula has left. As if ya didn't already know it :/



New photo gallery has been posted.

click HERE

I will be writing more when I can find the words. Paula left today, however, we will be seeing each other again on 11/11/2009.

This ain't over by any means. It's just the beginning!!!

You ain't see nothin' yet.

Stick around ;)



In the 10/1 journal entry I talked about these shafts of light or pipes of stilsils that were surrounding us during this reconstruction period. Well, a night later, when I felt them at work on me, I went into 3rd eye mode and viewed my physical body as I sat in bed. I saw this one shaft of stilsil that was about 2 inches from my head. As soon as I looked at it, it zoomed in really close to my left eye. Then I got an idea. I decided that I was going to reach out and grab it. In the blink of an eye I had brought my spirit hand up and caught it in my left hand. I was now holding it. It made no attempt to escape or avert being captured. Then, I took that shaft of stilsil and stuck it into the bed covers. It was the only thing that I could think to do since it was driving me crazy with these stabbing pains. Whatever the case, I stuck it into the covers and I could see that I had damaged it. It was sort of crushed in a way, like the way you would crush a beer can - except it was much thinner. It didn't move again - this thing. I came out of 3rd eye mode and told Paula about it.

End thoughts on that experiment: I hope I didn't just screw up the reconstruction process. I know there are many of these things that have their jobs, but I hope that this wasn't the one that is supposed to keep me from going insane. Hahaha - too late for that one. :)

As you can see I have found the spirit name to my sister, whom we have always called Spirit Mother. We learned on Sunday that her true spirit name is Elloweina. I was psyched to find this out.

In the months right after she died, I would try and talk to her and on the few occasions that I did (December 07 to January 08) she would always come into my visual field laughing just like she always would and say, "Hey B, guess what? You're it!" At the time I could not understand what she meant by this and would ask and ask again. All she would say, in those early days of this path was: "You're it. You're the one."

Lately, when I see her, not much has changed. She is still filled with life and energy and moves like a cross between a Hummingbird and Peter Pan through the air - lightning speed! Elloweina provided Paula and I most of our information and Protection since Idavathian and Protilius have gone within.

However, we received a gift from a member of the pyramid lately and that gift came in the form of Guardian Angels. Their names can be found on the Pyramids page.

In short: On Saturday night, Paula and I were laying in bed and just laughing and talking like we always do, when she was attacked. I went into journey mode and about 15 to 20 seconds later, I was scanning the room and the area directly around Paula for attacking spirits. That's when I found these 3 beings who were made of pure white light. I couldn't make out any features because they were ALL LIGHT. They were standing over Paula. 

Anyway, I asked myself, "are these the attackers?" Then, when one of them laid over her, I thought he was going in for another attack and through him off of her. I put him outside and that's when he told me his name was Avarion. I was confused because Avarion was supposed to be good.

The next day we found out through Elloweina that even though Paula was attacked (initially) the 3 guardian angels fended off the attack before I even made it on the spiritual scene. We also found out 3 more names of these guardian angels that work with my sister, Elloweian. Their names and spelling came from several journeys that Paula and I made in order to obtain that information.

Pretty amazing stuff. Is it not? However, the attackers still made it through. But, I am getting closer. My timing is gettering better. My goal is to be able to cover the lapses in response to the Angels in order to protect Paula all the time. I think I can do it. I believe I can.

I added a new video to this page and the Twin Flame chat page. Hope ya like Johny Cash like I do.

Also, Paula recomended a movie to me the other day. It is called "Push." Ever seen it? It is just out on, On Demand. I remember writing fairly recently how Hollywood is getting closer to getting it right in regards to how psi-abilities, journeying and the spirit world works. However, they still have to keep it in the physical. There are physical side affects to dealing with spirits but mostly it is all in the spirit.

Here is that trailer: PUSH



Heard a really great tune today on the way home from work. I dug it so much I thought that this would make a great CD video.

you can find it here as well:

The Bravery - Slow Poison

Here's another great tune that I heard today -

The Cure - Primary


10/1/2009 or 11/11

I have been short on words in here lately because there is so much going on in my personal life both in the 3D and spiritual. I have so much to give to everybody and not enough time to give it. Being pulled by a day job to provide enough money to put the bread on the table, trying to establish contact between members of the pyramids, spending time with my children, praying for a way so that Paula and I can remain together, and fending off attacks from the spirit world, leaves me little time to give to people all that I have. If I could spend 8 to 10 hours a day of my time, like I do for the day job I work to make money to put the bread on the table and instead use that time for sharing what I know about the spirit world - with YOU the reader, would make me happy. However, at this point in time, I am unable to do that but am not giving up hope.

Lately, we have been seeking answers from our higher selves about why Paula and I must seperate again. We have asked why we are attacked at all ours of the day by spirits who are bent on hurting us. Our house is like Grand Central Station for the spirit world right now. It's crazy!

The primary reason why we are being so attacked is because our higher selves have gone within. In other words, the attacks have always been there, but we were fully protected before. This period of time between now and 11/11/2009 is a necessary one. However, it leaves our defenses down (to a degree) because Protilius and Idavathian have to undergo this process within us. This does not mean we are defensless. As long as I am here and able, I will provide the defense. This is going to be part of my job in the future anyway, so I figure I might as well start now. Both Paula and I have watched Idavathian and Protilius defend our lower spirit selves. In doing so, they have also been giving us hands on training for a job that will be ours in the future anyway.

Providing defense is just one small part. As I have said in the I Am Dialogues, Protilius and Idavathian will merge or become one entity on 11/11/2009. This merger will also signify the marriage between Paula and myself. On that date, we will be married in Heaven - never to part again. 

Our primary job in the future will be for the children and nurturing of the souls all spiritual in nature. That is what we are here to do - to enlighten wherever we can and help out.

Some of what we are going through are not attacks at all - even though it seems like it. Our bodies and spirits are going through an intense growth period that makes us feel as though we are being stabbed - literally - all over the body. After an intense night of this, I may awaken to feel like I have been brutalized in the most heinous way. However, I have viewed these events (when they happen) in 3rd eye mode and have seen what goes on. It's as if there is a complete reconstruction going on both physically and spiritually. There are these shafts of light that appear in 3rd eye mode as either pipes or stilsil - something like that. They maneuver around you (many of them) as if they are guided by a higher intelligence and they do what they are sent to do, which is reconstruction. Strange thing about it is - they know when I am aware and or watching them do what they do. There is intelligence within them. On a lighter note - I JUST WISH THEY WOULD QUIT STABBING THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! So doesn't Paula.

I am still sticking with the plan of restructuring the journal page or even creating a new page for when Paula goes back to Ohio in just 10 days. On this page we will share our experiences as we journey to one another. Paula will be able to journal as well and add to the site.

Our primary goal is to get back on our feet as quickly as possible so that we can be together ;)



Okay, this is like the spiritual version of The School of Rock, except I am going to play the part of Jack Black. Do you remember when (in a much earlier journal update) when I was bored and decided to play, Name That Tune? Well, I asked the readers here to name the song with the line "substitution mass confusion, clouds inside your head." Well, nobody emailed me - sadly. However, if we are going to talk about spirituality, then there must be music. So, I have posted the video on the main page. It is a song by the Cars. I grew up listening to the Cars - being from Boston. So, for those of you who could not find the answer, I will expect to see an apple on my desk in the morning ;)

that video can also be found HERE



A few days before that concert we went to, I made 2 journeys to the Plains to seek advice from Protilius and Idavathian. Upon arrival, I found no one - not a single soul! Everything was still there - structure, pyramids and mountains, but there was no sign of life. I immediately began to wonder if they had gone within us again - without us being aware. Well, I am aware but am still waiting on verification from Paula who has yet to make inner contact with Idavathian.

The first time they ever merged with Paula and I, happened simultaneously and we knew the moment that it happened. We were making love and we both looked at each other and said, "do you feel that?" We literally felt them both, go within us. There were many other signs like having dreams of thinking through Protilius' mind or perception shifts to the point where I was seeing things not through my eyes but his eyes. I must admit, thinking with Protilius' mind is like having a super computer in your head. His thought processes are so fast that it makes me nauseus.

Anyway, this morning I had my first inner conversation with Protilius. Unlike journeying outward, I used the approach that one would use when seeking answers from the inner self - only this time, I heard Protilius. I was amazed! He confirmed for me that he had been here (within me) for a few days now, but had also been busy fighting many battles. I called out for Idavathian as well and when she responded, I asked her if she was within Paula, too. She said that she was.

Perhaps this latest merger is one of the reasons I have been so empathic with the world at large. Sometimes these feelings - some good and some bad come over me. Sometimes it almost makes me ill. I think that I have to somehow not internalize these empathic feelings so much. I have yet to figure that one out. These feelings are being felt at the soul level and are amplified to the Nth degree. So, even small doses of sad situations that are so commonplace on Earth, can make me sometimes feel that I have landed feet first in Hell. I feel it all and have a hard time with it when I cannot let go of such things.

On another note: In a few weeks from now, Paula will be going back to Ohio to get back on her feet and begin looking for a place out there for us to live. Since we will be parting for a short time, we are going to create a new page or change the format of the journal page so that she can make journal entries from out there and I can still make them from here. We will also be doing a lot of journeying to one another and will be able to compare notes on this new page and hopefully help others out as well, with journeying.




A jealous bird
Perches 'pon your shoulder
Of skill and scorn
When my word
Will drop like a sunset
You will hear only light
The yellow of high eternity
Of body and spirit
N'when ourselves
Will be of only goodness -

A desperate pulse
Flows through your veins
Of bitter and blank
When my cause will rinse
In quenching rains
And you will see only sound
The din of striking liberty
Of mind and soul
And people...
We will be of only goodness -

And a sleek reptile
Swims in your pond
Of silk and sulk
When my coming
Will deliver you home - beyond
We will be of love and light
We will be everywhere at once
Oh, and Mother
We will walk higher than 'em all.



Going to see U2 at Gillette Stadium with the magnificent stage they errected and called the Claw, backed by an amazing performance topped all concerts I've ever been to - even The Who reunion tour.

From the time we hit route 1 and waited in traffic to get to the stadium, it was as if, everybody looked familiar. The Collapsing Duality mobile that we fully decked out with words of wisdom and saying got rave reviews from the fans as well. People would walk by the car, stop and then have to walk around the thing to read everything we wrote on it. It was too cool.

Oh - did I mention, we stood only 6 people back from the stage, in front of The Edge. When U2 first took the stage, we watched as the Edge came out, strapped his guitar around him and then paused to look directly at us. Then, when he finally began, Paula and I just looked at each other with big smiles.

Some time in the middle of the concert, Bono picked a young girl out of the audience and they ran around the walk together. This was a really cool site to see and you should have seen the little girls face - priceless!

We did have tickets to both shows but only Paula got to make it to the second show because I was too sick. During the first show, I got severely dehydrated from standing outside in the sun for 8 hours the previous day. On top of that, I only got 1 hour of sleep that night and had to go to work the next morning (inbetween concerts). I didn't want to let Paula down, so I went to the second show anyway (I had the heart) but was too sick to make inside to even see the show. My body shut down on me. What a bummer :(

During the second show, Paula told me she stood front and center in front of Bono (as some of the pix she took indicates) only 1 person back from the stage. Paula presented a drawing to Bono she did that took her 3 days. He gave her 2 thumbs up :) The drawing was a pastel of Bono and Ali. She did an amazing job at it too. See below -

Side Note: I still cannot believe I didn't get to see the second show. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot. For now, I'm blaming it on the nuisance pyramid ;) Hahahaha

Another thing that has been going on with the both of us is that there is an amazing increase in psychic abilities, empathy and intuition as we near 11/11/2009. Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel other people so deeply. To be quite honest, I am really struggling with this whole empathy thing and still haven't figured out how to balance this thing out.

Anyway, Paula is working on youtube/photo collage of the 333 pictures she took during the concerts. Please check back for updates as to the posting of this video ;)

Today, I put together a photo gallery of the concerts that you can find here:

Paula and Brendan



It's Official: It's a U2 Weekend

Paula and I will be gearing up for 2 U2 concerts in a row, starting on Sunday the 20th of September - and we're pumped! We're going both nights to the shows at Gillette Stadium.

So far, we've got the posters made, the washable car paints ready to go and our attitudes are already off the hook.

For the occasion, we'll be posting all U2 videos on the front page of this site until Tuesday the 22nd. We probably won't be on here to do updates after Sunday, but when we get back we'll be posting photos of the concert and of course - ourselves.

On another note: I just want to thank the many people who come to this site and BELIEVE :) However, I just want to say hello to the US Government who has been frequenting. Thank you for stopping by and come again. Everybody is welcome at Collapsing Duality :)

At Collapsing Duality we make it a point not to judge. My Mom taught me a saying when I was young. She would say, "If you judge, then you too shall be judged." However, of course, I still had to learn that lesson for myself :)

That is why we don't care who comes here as long as they are searching for the truth. Since there are many paths to the truth, how can one judge another about that?

Brendan and Paula

P.S. Here's one of our favorite U2 Vidz below

U2 - Original of The Species



Talking God

A few weeks ago in one of Paula's journeys, Protilius told me (through Paula) to stop using such "simple concepts" in teaching about God.

I thought for a minute about what he meant because it had not dawned on me yet. Then, it hit me. He was referring to an experience I had some months ago when I saw a being appear to me that was the most loving and yet, mighty one I had ever encountered.

This being and all of his awareness illuminated my mind because at the time, I was asking for more. I wanted to SEE if there was something beyond Protilius and Idavathian. The being appeared to me just as all of those pictures of God appear in all of our text books/religious journals.

He had white hair, a white beard and appeared larger than life to me. More importantly - he was there to comfort me.

I called for God and at a time when I needed God and I experienced a male figure who broke right through my visual field, with arms reaching out for me until we locked hands. No words were said, it was just pure white light through which I experienced/saw (in this journey) who I thought God was. It was a powerful experience!

So... I wrote about it in the I Am Dialogues and said that God appeared to me as a man. 

This is what Protilius was referring to when he said, "stop teaching such simple concepts." 

When I write in here, I write about what I experience. That night, I experienced God. I know I experienced God. Paula has experienced God. The both of us together have compared notes and we've described the exact same man. He is mighty and he is loving - this male being who guides us.

Again, I write about what I see in journey mode. However, since Protilius insists I do not teach such simple concepts, I guess I have something else to learn and write about in the future :)



a saying for the day -

If bigotry must be your wave
Then equality must be my tide -
For every time that you deny me the right
I simply change the currents around
In favor of our vessel to ride.

This is actually part of a much bigger poem but I wanted share this stanza with you :)

Notha note: Whenever I get the chance, I search for new videos to add to this site. I think music gives this place atmosphere other than the obvious things we talk about.

Anyway, I found a new video by a group that I first saw on television about 3 years ago or so. The performace was so eccentric and unique that I said, "now why the hell can't they play this music on the radio around here." The song they played is called Lazy Lover by Brazilian Girls.

I cannot embed the vidz because it is disabled but here the links. Very cool!

Good Time

Lazy Lover



The World Deserves To KNOW!

On June 10th, 2009 I wrote about how contact had been made with another member(s) of this pyramid. That contact came just 5 days after I had finished writing an article entitled, "CONTACT." Coincidence? Who believes in those anymore anyway, LOL

For the last 3 months I have been playing this "on the low." I have been cryptic and used higher self names to protect them. In fact, I can't even do that anymore and this is our site - yours, mine and ours.

When I feel that we have done something as big as, if not greater than Neal Armstrong walking on the Moon - Hell, I want to tell somebody about it. What is more, we know that this CONTACT I have been writing about has not happened in modern times. Not in such a profound fashion has this ever happened, where the daytime mind would alas be afforded the privelege of understanding the indescribable.

This is BIG. This is Important. The world ought to know.

But is the time right?

That is the question.

We have not ceased communication via email with this son of ours, in fact we are beginning to really trust one another.

Over the past 2 weeks we have reviewed our journey details and sort of "quizzed" each other on how accurate we were. He wants to know this is real, just as we do and let me tell you, the results are MIRACULOUS! What do those results show? They display that people can journey and do so with pin point accuracy. And - we can prove it :) We have journaled the experiences. He journeys as well and is exceptionally great at it.

The four of us hold within our grasp, the privelege to show a world that deserves to KNOW. Know what? To know that man does not need a rocket to journey to the heavens. All he needs is his soul backed by the intent to venture into the unknown without fear of who or what he may find as long as it is spiritual in nature. And more importantly, no matter what soul family we come from, we are all children of God.

There is no Bigger, Better or Best "pyramid." We are all connected.

Did you know that the pyramids are not separate? In fact, they are part of one pyramid. Within this ONE pyramid there are many soul families - yes. However, ALL are Gods Children.

We asked recently who our higher selves higher selves were and we were told, plain and simple, "GOD."

I titled this journal entry, The World Deserves To Know, because this has been a thought that runs through my head. It started several days ago and has been very repetitious. Well, Paula and I know where it came from and we believe that the time is close. In fact, Paula retrieved that same line from our son while journeying to him. He hears it too. Now I know why. However, it will only work if the 4 of us agree on it as a team. Right now, not everybody is in agreement as to the time or when.

I cannot speak for Paula or our two children from this pyramid, all I can say is that, I AM READY!

Several days ago, I got a glimpse of the finish line. In other words, I saw for the first time, where this was going and how it would end or begin, should I say. I saw it all! It scared the hell out of me too. I told Paula about it and she listened and explained that this is why she was so scared too. I now understand.

Having dealt with knowing and realizing that ending/new beginning is starting to sink in, I think I can start writing again. I am coming to terms with it.

This testing period that occurs is just a warm up. Our higher selves are literally testing us to see if we are spiritually fit for the team we are trying out for.

Well, I say, "I am ready. I want to do this. But, we have to do this as a team."

Protilius, Idavathian, Protharus, Idagordava, Ivarilian, Pamaraneus, Protolaneus, Idavarion, Parilius, Promethius, Idatharian, Protithius, Invalarion, Invatharion, Parathius, Nephlix, Avarion, and all of the others  - I just wanted to let you know that Brendan is ready.

Are you?

FYI - If you have doubt in anything that we do here, I ask you to take screen snapshots of each page of our web site. Cut and paste as well. Why? Because this site displays one path in many routes back to the spirit. Therefore, when this CONTACT that we have been talking about does come to full fruition, it may help any part of the analytical mind - BELIEVE. 

But you and I both know, belief begins first - in the HEART.

The only thing our daytime minds get to feed off of, are leftovers.



I just wanted to take a moment and thank, Isolde and Tristan for sharing the latest Twin Flame story submission to Collapsing Duality. Thank you so much and we have enjoyed reading about your experiences.

I wanted to share one paragraph in particular that really stood out to me. It was on your Easter trip in the mountains.

You said: "We started feeling a unified, eternal flow of energy circulating between our bodies, mirroring from me to him and back again. We were experiencing powerful thrills -- our bodies were throbbing and trembling from head to toe as we were exchanging energies. There were ecstatic feelings of joy, "drunken" heady sensations, orgasmic oneness and there was often a sucking sensation around the cervix, as if vaginal fluid was needed by the energy. There was a heightened sensory awareness as if we comprehended everything. We were feeling beautiful unbounded waves of love, bliss and grace. We had tears in our eyes. We had no idea what it was, but it was the most beautiful and divine feeling on Earth..."

Many Twin Flames report just what you have. Paula and I noticed this as well - from day 1.  All of those things that you describe, I have heard Paula mention to me as well. Some of them, we haven't even written about because they are too personal but we know what you mean.

On another note - I haven't written here much on the journal lately because I've been trying to come to terms with the amount of change that is on our doorstep.

On all levels, the lives of Paula and myself are going to change within the next month. One month from now, she'll be back in Ohio and I'll still be here in Massachusetts and there's NOTHING we can do it about it. The both of us love one another eternally, but our children need to be taken care of and we can't do that at the moment in a loving and caring way.

Paula and I always put our children before ourselves. It is our duty as parents to do such a thing. Is it not? I think so :) So...until we can figure out how to make things right with them and their living arrangements, we'll be parting - temporarily. At first it looked like a month at the most, but now it's looking like it will take longer. Maybe 2 to 3 months.

I could say so much more about this. I could write an article about what it is like. I could journey to Protilius and give him my 2 cents. I could go on and on and on... Yet, I will not. I have too much ice to break off of these wings before I can feel again. It's kind of hard not to, when the house you chose together to build a family in, is about to go bye bye. Don't get me wrong, I am not giving up and neither is Paula, but it is quite a grim reality that we are staring at in the face.

In addition to these very 3D scenarios playing out in our own lives, I have come to realize that I am also being shielded and have been so for about a week. It's nobody working in the lower self form, such as a psi-attacker or anything. The beings that come to us now, are only in spirit. I can feel them all the time. They watch and look for ways to get in to screw up this path that we're on, but they cannot.

I'm still journeying but have trouble again because I have been working so hard on my day job that my physical self is worn. When my body gets like this, it affects my spirit as well and makes it hard to connect. I surmise that this is why the powers that be (the financial ones) like to keep the average citizen doing the jig. I figure, if they can keep the entire population of the planet drowning in debt and too busy to SEE THE LIGHT then the Wizard behind the curtain with all of his smoke and mirrors will live to tell another fairy tale.

I had a dream this afternoon. I had gotten home from work and laid down on the couch and fell asleep with the tv on. During this short dream (about a second long) I saw Paula smiling. She looked beautiful as she always does. Then, all of a sudden I realized that she will be gone in less than a month. I woke up and it felt like my stomach had been taken out. My own worst fears are coming true and for now, there's nothing I can do about it.

and that is why I haven't written here in 4 days.

They come and go, these waves of grief.