Collapsing Duality...Journal

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Okay, something SPECIAL is happening here. I was just talking to Paula last night about how we already have 3 Twin Flame stories by the 18th of November. Then, I come home today and find another one by Andrea and Michel, which was beautifully done by the way and submitted on 11/19/2009 at 1:11:56 seconds PM. Take a good look at those numbers :) Hahaha.

Here's another revelation about the time of their TF Submission. Did you notice how it was submitted in the PM? Count the number placements of the P and then the M. Put the numbers over each other and add them the non traditional way. What number do you get? :)

A note to Andrea: 11:11 is going off like Big Ben to you and your Twin Flame. Congratulations to you both and an even bigger congratulations to all of you who are finding the path.

Okay now, but it gets better :) I want to share something about how we track our visitors. While we don't know names, addresses and only on occasion and IP or two, we do know how people find this site by what they type into Google or any search engine. We know because with each visitor to the site, we are able to see the time they visited and (importantly) what combination of words they type into the search engine. And let me tell you, the most common search engine question going (and accelerating) is "Twin Flame Signs." And it's not just one person. It's not just one couple. It's not just one country or continent. It's all over the world. How do I know? Because I can see what country/continent the searches originate from.

The fact that so many people are typing in "Twin Flame Signs" tells me that there are a lot of people out there looking for answers to something very special that has recently happened to them.

All of this is happening my friends, on the 11th month of 2009.

One last thing before I end the journal update and begin creating the spread for Our Journal 9 - Paula was told by Angel, Iparoth on 11/11/2009 that ALL of you (EVERYONE) will know your Twin Flame. That was a message he delivered to Paula.

Okay now, let's keep the momentum going and flip this world upside down (which would actually be right side up :) so that we can make this happen the way it is supposed to happen, with LOVE leading the way.

It's all about the 11, BABY :)



To Paula: You made me smile when I read your latest journal entry. Then, I almost cried as tears welled up. I always know when you journey to me because my body temperature increases so dramatically that I literally start sweating, just like we make each other do when we are sleeping together. The magnetism and heat that we produce is probably another Twin Flame sign. I love you, Paula. TY for sharing our love the way you do. Muahhh :) We will be together again very soon. WE WILL :)

On the 11/15/2009 I posted a link to The RA Material. On the main page of this site there are channelings broken down by category. Since then, I have skimmed through these categories: Densities, Higher Self, Pyramids and UFO's.

I just want to say that what I have read has really been a confirmation, if not one giant synchronicity. However, I have decided to stop reading what was channeled on that site because I know all too well the possibility of becoming "front loaded" (a remote viewing term) with this truthful information. It's not that I don't want to learn and read more from these channelings that are truly AMAZING, because I do. However, since there are so many synchronicities to what has been written from the RA channelings, I cannot let my daytime mind become front loaded with this information. If I do, then I may have a problem delivering my own path to the readers and the people who visit this site. I am very aware that I have a strong daytime mind and I have to seek this path all the way back to the source and not waver one bit. 

Envision yourself driving down a road - a highway. You have undertaken a journey to go find something that you "believe" and "know" is the right path. You cannot prove it, you just know it in your heart. Well, that's what we're doing. We have packed up the car and are driving down that road. Yes we are aware of our surroundings - we see the trees off to the left and right of that highway. We see the mountains in the distance and the light of God upon the horizon. Most importantly, we see the love and light in each others eyes which has led us to this stage. But we must keep our eyes on the prize. You should too. Each one of these paths will be different for each one of us, because we are all ingredients of Gods great recipe of life. And, within that recipe we will find Love, hate, bliss, sadness, peace, turmoil, kindness and so much more - all designed to bring balance between and right on up to, The I Am.

As I have said before, this is one path out of many we could have chosen. In order for Paula and I to deliver it as truthfully and uncorrupted by the truthful paths of others, I have to keep my focus on the source - The I Am. In fact, I believe that by seeking only the source, without letting myself fall into organized religion or any other path, has afforded me the gift of finding my higher self and establishing continuity from Heaven to Earth. Where this path will take us from here, I don't know (although I can find out) and I like not knowing because everytime I am surprised and I like it that way :) BTW when I say uncorrupted, it's not that anybody elses path is corrupt, it's just that I cannot let my mind become front loaded. I journey at my best when I know little or nothing about a person, place or thing. In this way, my daytime mind cannot get a foothold and I am free to journey, project and find that person, place or thing of my intentions.

On another note: Recently a frequenter wrote that they borrowed some of what we had written here on the site about Twin Flame signs. I am okay with webmasters and bloggers using information from this site for information purposes only. Just be sure to link the source and 

So far, I've been able to keep this site completely free without even asking for donations. I wish it to be this way because the truths that Paula and I discover, along this path, should be free. I must admit, it is getting a little hairy on the financial side of things. But, I cannot let this site be shut down because of financial woes caused by a 3D meltdown of world economies that has found a way and is knocking on my own front door. Having said this, I may be forced to put up a donations button.

Since my higher self, Protilius and I have merged, I am not able to seek him as a seperate entity any longer. It is the same way with Paula and Idavathian. Since the 11/11/2009 merging that took place, we have noticed that our thought processes have changed. Paula and I talk about these things over the phone - usually at night. Anyway, it seems that Protilius' knowledge and even his personality is becoming one with my own. It's hard to describe what I am trying to say because I am still digesting all of this myself. However, I must admit that what I thought of as a subtle change on 11/11/2009 and the days thereafter, is really becoming a rather drastic change - and a welcomed one. I can tell you that I feel more peaceful than ever before. I feel connected with complete strangers. I feel much more in control of daily situations that pop up. There are also some not so pleasant effects of the merging. One of them is my sense of smell is off. I remember last year my sense of smell went haywire after meeting Paula. I learned then that it was caused in part by a sudden, drastic spiritual awakening. I am now certain that this is what has caused my sense of smell to be distorted since 11/11/2009. Another not so pleasant side effect is feeling like I am melting in the Sun even when the temperature is 50 degrees outside. I mentioned that Paula and I, when we are in contact have a tendency to heat each other up the nth degree. Well, there is something else going on and it causing us to sweat - even when we don't journey to one another. Elloweina told me the reasons for this and where it is going but I think I will not share this information and instead, just see what happens.

I have also been journeying to the Plains again. It's a little strange to visit there and not see Protilius and Idavathian the way they were. But it is okay because they are within us now and whenever I visit the plains, the rest of the soul family does not see Protilius the way he was, they do not see Brendan's lower spirit self, but they see a merged combination of the both - as one. I am able to confirm what I see by shifting my awareness in these journeys and seeing myself through the eyes of the rest of the soul family. Unlike Protilius, the merged version of me and him, has hair. The eyes are just like Protilius' were. The nose is the same as his. My lips have more lips than his did. I am shorter than my physical self but taller than Protilius was. Oh, and I am golden in color and emit a golden hue that surrounds me. In our journeys I see Paula with the same golden hue as she has noted the same of me. It also confirms what Protharus and Idagordava's incarnate selves have stated to us in their email correspondence with Paula and I.

Speaking of Protharus, I was being buzzed quite a bit yesterday afternoon and evening. I decided initially to not entertain whoever was journeying to me because I didn't feel like it. Then, when I was sitting on the couch with my 3 year old, I felt probably one of the most powerful rings in my right ear that I ever felt. It penetrated deep down - almost to my brain. I thought to myself, "what the hell was that." So, I closed my eyes, switched to 3rd eye and heard Protharus' incarnate self talking to me. Then, I decided to journey to see what he wanted because he has been going through quite an awakening himself, frought with turmoil. I saw him and he was holding a piece of paper and sitting in a chair. He began reading what sounded like the beginning of an apology. However, with the strange things that I have witnessed in my recent journeys to him, I told him to put it in an email. I honestly did not mean to cut him off but if you had experienced what I had experienced in the recent journeys to him, I think you would understand. Plus, I am not going share those journeys because it is too personal and simply does not belong here on the site.

As of today, I have not received an email from him but I hope and pray that he makes a speedy recovery and gets back on his spiritual path. I just have one quick message for you Protharus because I know you read this journal - DON'T THROW IT ALL AWAY.


In case you all have not found Collapsing Duality on You tube, I wanted to link this really interesting video that I found recently. It's about this guy in an astronauts suit that takes a journey to find his angel who walks upon the clouds. In some ways, it's not unlike my journey to meet Idavathian. However, I do not dawn a space suit before my journeys ;) There a lots of great special effects as well. Be sure to notice the pyramid at the beginning of the video. However, the ending of the video is my fav.

Click here to watch



I thought I'd just sit down and type whatever comes into my mind tonight.    I know if I don't start writing, I will never write.  Anyway's, there's something weighing on my mind and I want to share it with you.  

I was sitting on my bed making this wonderful card for Brendan and my mind was a thousand miles away.  I was picturing myself in our home.  Brendan at the computer and myself sitting on the bed.  Both of us were creating in our own ways.  My fantasy took me over. I was happy and feeling my love reach out to him.  I could feel his love equally reaching out to me.  I did this for the longest time.   It was a great journey.

Soon reality struck and I once again realized I was alone.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I wanted so badly to feel his warm skin touching mine.  I wanted to snuggle my face into his beautiful hairy chest and feel his arms wrapped around me.   I longed for his tender kisses and to hear him say, "I love you, beautiful,"  just like he's said a million times before.  I just wanted to be home and I will until we're together again.

Sometimes I can be strong and handle this with gracefulness and other times I'm weak.  Today, I feel strong even though I've had some weak moments.  When I cried nobody knew but I received this text message from my cousin as I wiped the tears from my eyes.  It's funny the timing of these things.  My cousin is clairvoyant and I believe she felt me.  She's a true soul sister.  This is what the text said:

"This morning when God opened a window to Heaven, he saw me.  He asked, "My child, what is your greatest wish for today?"  I responded, "Please take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends.  They deserve it and I love them very much."  The love of God is like the ocean. You can see it's beginning but not it's end.  This message works on the day you receive it.  Let us see if it's true.  ANGELS EXIST but sometimes since they all don't have wings, we call them TRUE FRIENDS.  Pass this on to your true friends.  Something good will happen to you at 11:11 tonight, something that you've been waiting to hear.  Don't break this prayer and send it to a minimum of 11 people who need this prayer as much as you.

I'm sharing this with you... all my true friends in cyberspace.  May you hear what you've been waiting for in your own time of need.  My cousin didn't know about 11:11 or it's significant's to me so this makes it even more special.

A note to Brendan:  You are a brilliant light that shines so bright from where you are.  You are my lighthouse when I'm out at sea looking to go home.  Thank you for being there in the night and during the storms to guide me back to you.  I love you.



I wanted to say thank you to Dawn and Steven for their recent Twin Flame story submission to Collapsing Duality.

I also wanted to thank Eve and Adam for their submission as well.


This site began as a Twin Flame site and will remain that way because understanding and embracing the love of your divine compliment is key in finding your soul family and or higher selves.

This site is for and about Twin Flames. However, it also about Paula and I sharing our path, which is constantly evolving and morphing into the unimaginable, with the world. We're not affraid to put it out there either. Many times we are correct in our predictions. Sometimes we are incorrect. However, with the future as malleable as it is, we are constantly changing and recreating our paths that we are on. If you follow the site faithfully, like a soap opera, there is plenty of drama. But, we assure you it all very real - VERY REAL!

All of us together WILL change the world :]

If you have found true love through your Twin Flame, you know that anything is possible. Through this love, we can change everything.

on another note:

I recently received an email from a frequenter of the site who said they were from  S. Korea. This person encouraged me to read The RA Material. I told this person that I owned a copy that I bought about 19 or 20 years ago after I had my first experience with the Mother Of ALL Creation and the pyramids.

So, today, I found online a link to the RA Material. I skimmed through the channeling sessions and found one session that was entitled, "The Pyramids." I read it and smiled widely. RA even used the word "Royal" in his communication with the channeler, Carla. Well, our higher selves have always called us ROYAL. Read it for yourselves. Here is the link:

 The Ra Material/Pyramids

I did some journeying this morning but as soon as I split from my physical body I found this thing (unexplainable) that was sort of spitting out these symbols that I have never seen, nor could understand. I asked Elloweina if this was okay and she said that it was not. I ended the journey and began again a few minutes later. In this next journey, I journeyed to Protharus because he has been having a hard time with things lately.

I'm not going into details about the journey because most of it was negative, but at least I got a reaction. So, having got a reaction, I will conclude that progress has been made.

On another note: I added many new videos to the site here and there. You may also visit Collapsing Duality on Youtube to see our past collection there as well.

I am now going to leave you with a link to a site that Paula discovered recently. Here it is

Also, be sure to check out this latest video from The Bravery

and visit us on the Collapsing Duality YouTube Channel

P.S. We received a new TF story submission today. WHOOT! You guys keep it coming, coming. You are burnin' it up.




Have you created your "Collection of Memorable Events?"

If not, listen to the following YouTube video and see how it can help.

Click Here



It's been a wild ride, this whole experience leading up to 11/11/2009 and it stayed that way right up until the very end.

Many things happened that were expected and many - unexpected.

Those things that we did expect to happen such as Paula and I merging at the soul level to become ONE - did happen. However, it did not happen on 11/11/2009 like previously thought. The merging took place on 11/9/2009.

The declaration of our merging came from Angel Iparoth who came to Paula during one of the attacks leading up to 11/9/2009. Previously, Paula had let Angel Kardaras in to help protect her but it was a mismatch and left Paula feeling sick. Kardaras is a female spirit. Needless to say, Paula had to let her go. Then when the attack happened on 11/8 and 9/2009, Iparoth came to her and offered his protection. Paula let him in and it was a perfect match.

When Paula told me this I was floored because Iparoth was supposed to have gone to Protharus (incarnate self) for protection. Paula and I both journeyed to he and his wife and told them of what was going on. However, just yesterday, we learned that he did not. I was baffled to hear this. We did find out that Idagordava's incarnate self has taken on Pelaxion. Good for you Idagordava :) and thank you for your blessing yesterday during your journey.

I think the most unexpected thing to happen during this whole merging was the fact that another spiritual marriage took place at the very same time as ours. When I first took in Elloweina (really my sister) she was there to offer protection and I did and it was a perfect match.  However, we found out yesterday, on 11/11/2009 that Elloweina and Iparoth have come together in a marriage of their own in Heaven. This information was obtained late yesterday when Paula and I went into joint meditations. So, not only did Protilius and Idavathian become ONE - not only did Paula and I become ONE - but Angels Iparoth and Elloweina became ONE as well :) They still reside within us and will be with us from here on out.

Congratulations to Iparoth and Elloweina!

One thing that we did learn yesterday was that FEAR and MISTRUST is dogging some of the people within our pyramid. Fear is even keeping a few of them unprotected.

I know fear. Fear has even made me miss opportunities within this pyramid. We have all had fear at one point or another that has kept us back from doing what we were lead to really, really do. I've had the finger pointed at me by some of the angels for my own shortcomings and so has Paula. There are others within the pyramid who have succumb to fear as well.

Where am I going with the fear thing? Well, while Paula and I merged at the soul level, never to part again, we did learn something that is now looking rather unlikely. What is that? Well, when we journeyed and asked why we did not glow like they said we would, we were told it was because of fear and that the entire pyramid along with the ascension date has changed or been set back rather drastically.

I know this is alarming news. My own heart hit the floor when I heard this. I am not ready to say how long it has been delayed, but only that for now, it appears to be in the decades of years. We were given exact dates, both Paula and I, but we're going to revisit this topic again and again until we settle on the date. The reason for this last minute change in plans is all due in part by FEAR.

I know I am one to have had fear from time to time during this whole journey. This experience is VERY POWERFUL and at times can be very lovely and other times be very scary. Just imagine for a moment if you will and realize how powerful it is to stare into the eyes of our divine compliment for the very first time. Do we know what that is like? If so, now imagine staring into the eyes of an entire pyramid of souls, part of one soul family? How powerful do you think that would be? Very powerful! To be quite honest with you, it is like being connected with everybody at the soul level and feeling all of their love and fear - all at the same time. It is like having 4 million Twin Flame experiences all at once.

This fear however we must not give into any longer. Each time fear has come up within my own self I have done my best to overcome it. I believe I have been more successful at it than not. Still not perfect, though. I am also not here to point the finger at any one person for their fear. I am patient. I am not giving up on the pyramid either, even though now it appears it is all up in the air. I guess this explains the confusion of the Angels that I wrote about in the 11/5/09 journal entry.

The one good is that the future is malleable and if we work really hard and go within, while reaching out, we can beat that fear - BUT WE HAVE TO LET IT GO. If we can move beyond that fear, there is a chance that we may see this pyramid and many others come to full fruition within our current incarnation.

Personally, I am making it my mission to see that every stays on course exactly as planned. However, I am going to need help.

As an end note to this entry: I am relieved that 11/11/2009 is behind us and delighted that Paula and I have made it official to be joined as ONE in HEAVEN.

Moving forward I will continue doing what I do here and that is to pave an avenue for people to find their Twin Flames and/or Soul Families and sharing the experiences with the world.

I am not giving up because of what I learned about the ascension dates and so forth. I am saddened and a bit set back, but not giving up.

Note from Paula:  

I just wanted to add something I feel is important to add to this journal entry.  We learned many things this week as Brendan already discussed, but I want to add this.  I learned that no matter what happens in this path or when it happens I will always know this.  Love between two people who give of themselves without holding back receive the greatest gift of all...Unconditional and unwavering love that continues to grow through every trial and test of faith and love.  Our love continues to stand the test of time.  Faith and dedication will help it endure long after we assend no matter when that time will be. 

Paula and Brendan

This will be a short entry because Brendan and I are going to Boston for the next 2 days and getting connected in the most spiritual of ways.  We don't know what will happen in the next few days other than we'll be joined as one.  We're merging and I already feel this process starting.  After 11/11/09 we'll be seperated in the flesh but that's the only way.  We'll update you after we've had our time together.  We've not forgotten about you, but you know our time is precious and we want to make the most of this blessed time.  We wish all well as the day aproaches.


Very interesting times. As long as I have been in contact with Angels, I have never seen them more confused than what they are now - they are baffled and troubled by current decision making. I have gone to all of the ones that I know of. Each of them is at a loss. What is wrong??? What is going on???

Since Protilius and I are ONE I am only just beginning to learn to tap that pool of knowledge he had, but I won't be fooled. My gut instinct, ( not Protilius' ) tells me where it is coming from. It's not important WHO it is from but the source that it stems from - and that is fear/ego. I cannot stand the word ego, because it is something I still battle with as well, but it is what it is. We all have ego - even YOU. Ego has gotten us by in this 3d world where sometimes we need to fight for what we believe in and in order to go on living.

So...what do I get from this confusion amongst the guardian angels of the pyramids? I get the notion that the cards will fall where they may. In the end, there are only decisions to be made. It's all up in the air.

The angels to me, have been like news reporters from the field of battle and love and they report the most likely outcome of future scenarios. They also cover me for protection. However, the last one they predicted was the one that I had announced about that concert broadcast live on youtube all over the world.

The angels themselves feel bad for me and many others for the situation not working out the way it was supposed to. I apologize myself. I should have listened to my gut insttinct - which told me otherwise.

Having learned from this, I will be starting anew after 11/11 and going back to the original plan.

11/11/2009 is almost here. I don't feel any different, really. I just want to be with my love. I miss her A  LOT!

Thanks to you all for still visiting while my mind has been absent in many ways.





Find Collapsing Duality on YouTube



Welcome, Kardaras to The Angels and Ambassadors section. Kardaras is a Guardian Angel that we met tonight.



I have removed some recent posts in here as you will see. I have a very good reason for doing this. I will not be giving the details about why, just yet. I am in the process of figuring out what the hell happened.

I will be moving in just a few days and will not have internet access after Wednesday. I hope it is not that long.

Until I get back up and running, Paula will be checking mail.



News or not so new "News" be the judge. 

President Obama to declare that
Extraterrestrials exist. Disclosure is imminent? Click Here



There are so many things I could write about in this journal entry.  I could write about collapse, grief, ego, and duality.  I could also write about faith and the tests of faith we’re all faced with at times.  Those things and many experiences make us who we are and shape us throughout our lives.  

Sometimes we’re faced with a multitude of different experiences at once and we feel as if we’re going insane.  Sometimes we can face those things with much strength and feel as if we’ve conquered the world.  And we’ve all heard the saying, “what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger.”  I can say I feel pretty darn weak at times throughout this experience.  Being apart from Brendan has really taken it’s toll on me as I know it’s done the same to him. 

Being Twin Flames and feeling our higher selves within us makes it more difficult instead of easier to be separated.  I know that sounds strange but if you imagine your body being cut in half and trying to live and function with just half of your body, how would it feel?  We’re one.  How can one be apart?   I know it sounds crazy and some will have much to say about my statements, but I can’t tell you how much it feels foreign and surreal.  Sometimes I feel myself just going through the motions and feeling like a zombie in a horror flick.  For the past few days it’s been better.  I don’t feel so anguished.  I started focusing on this journal entry and thought I’d keep it brief and write many entries instead of a long one.

I wanted to say something I felt was important without writing a whole article.  I’m long winded and that’s mainly why I don’t do journal entries very often.  LOL.  I wanted to share something about loving Brendan, the man… not Brendan and his higher self.  Here it is….

Loving Brendan is the best!  We’re not dependant on one another and we share everything.  We talk and laugh together for hours on end and lose track of time.  We’ve learned about sacred worship as lovers and what it feels like to be totally free and not afraid of any new experiences together.  I’m vulnerable and strengthened at simultaneously in his awesome presence.  He’s my rock when I’m weak and I’m his pillow when he needs a soft place to rest his head.  Love is unconditional and we’re connected to the highest degree I’ve ever known.   He blows me away with everything he does.  We have such an amazing relationship and partnership.  I feel his life with each touch and with each breath.  He’s my best friend and I respect, trust, and love him with all my being.  He’s a light in my darkness and my strength to be my best always and in all ways.  (I love you Brendan.  You really are my best friend.)

Our time apart  will be used to get back on my feet and make a stash for hard times if something happens to one of us where we can’t work or have an illness.  Our plan is to grow old together no matter what the pyramid people have planned or not planned for us.  I know that last statement is confusing but so are they. LOL.   I plan to make life the best I can for us and our family while continuing on this path.  I knew this path would be “No bed of roses” and I’ll continue it for all eternity.  This is a great gift we’ve been shown and I’m happy we’re part of it.  Being twin flames and not being able to be together has tested us all the way to the edge...over and over again.  I just hope it’s the last time we’re separated for a long period of time.  

Take care, and thanks for all your kind words, thoughts, and prayers.  I’ll be answering email this weekend.  Love you!!!!  Paula



My computer is back from it's crash and I'll be making a journal entry as soon as I download all the things I need to get me running quick and efficient.   I lost everything on my computer and had to start from scratch.   I should be posting it no later than tomorrow.  I have much to write about and share with you. :)  BTW Brendan I know who your song was by and what it was.  I never told you though.  LOL.  It wasn't important in any of our recent phone conversations.  I'll give another hint so we have someone who will get it.  Here's the clue...  "It was a Biggie along with it's Juicey lyrics."


10/19/2009 = 11 11

Just a quick note because my head cold has gotten worse and I need to sleep. 

I was going to write more about my meeting with Pamaritius and Idavilaxion but it will have to wait because I am feeling so sick at the moment. Perhaps everything is catching up to me. For now, I will leave the dialogue between Eric (Pamaritius) and I up on the Chat Page.

Paula is still without internet access because her computer is fried. As soon as she gets that fixed, she will be writing something in here.

One last thing before I phone Paula and go to bed. Eric asked me how it was that I could be his father with Idaviliaxion as his mother. Then he asked, why wouldn't Paula be his mother.

Answer: While our higher selves have their divine compliments and truly are married like this at the soul level, they all create souls with one another. It's not like a marriage is here on Earth.

We recently witnessed this same scenario when we found out about Invarilian. Invarilian's mother is Idagordava and her soul father is Protolaneus. Remember, Idagordava and Protharus are divine compliments. So, you can see how this works.

Also, journeying is real and it works. Just ask Eric who is deaf in the physical sense, but through journeying and telepathic communication, he can hear. That to me is so remarkable that I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

I would say that what WE are doing is the ultimate in wireless technology. Who needs the latest gadget at your finger tips when we've got it within our souls. We always have.

Remarkable things are happening in these miraculous times. Yes they are.

...and just think, this is only the beginning :) BIG SMILES :)


FLASH - I will have a special announcement tonight regarding the Pyramid. This announcement, when posted will be found on the Pyramid Page.

We are indeed living through miraculous times. I am very excited about what I have learned today.


It is a typical October day here in New England. We are getting a Nor'easter here. Thankfully, it is in the form of rain. In fact it has rained for the past 3 days. I am also coming down with a head cold that I got from a customer I was working with yesterday. I kept my distance the best I could after she warned me, but I knew that I was going to catch this one. So, I will be eating and drinking lots of fluids today.

Not much to report in the way of spiritual visits. My ear did ring again at 3AM but I cannot remember what was trying to be said to me.

Our friend Kristin (from NZ) and I had a great phone conversation last night. She is doing her Angelic work by helping me out with the whole Twin Flame seperation thing. She knows what that is like and we've been comparing notes. Everything she has said about the physical side affects to the spiritual ones, are right on the money. This is hard stuff but she is a GREAT HELP to me. Thank you, Kristin :) 

I have to admit, Kristin - the best thing I walked away with from that phone conversation we had, was laughter. Yes, laughter heals. We're so crazy!!!

- break -

I am now going to do something a bit different. I am going to write about the very first time Paula and I met in the physical.

It was February the 20th of 2008. I had flown into Dayton, Ohio to see her and I was walking from the terminal and the could see everybody off in the distance who were waiting for their loved ones behind the gates. There were many people in front of me so I was trying to see if I could spot Paula. Then, finally, I spotted her and I could tell she had not seen me yet because her eyes were as big as baseballs and her mouth, wide open in anticipation. Then, when she spotted me her eyes lit up and her lips turned into a big smile. She ran right into my arms and we started laughing and kissing and hugging each other. We almost fell over.

When we got outside, it was snowing and cold. She drove us back to the hotel room and once inside, we played a game of Scrabble.

After that, we decided to go get something to eat and chose an Italian restaurant. Once inside, I noticed things that I have never seen before. As I looked around while we were being taken to our seats by the waiter, it seemed that the eyes of everybody in that place, were upon us. I asked Paula why everybody was looking at us and she said she did not know and laughed about it. It was as if Ghandi or Bin Laden or perhaps now, Protilius and Idavathian just walked in from Zooropa and decided to sample Italian cuisine. I know that people saw the love we had between us, but the eyes of these people - I will never forget. That was another way I was able to realize that this love we have - IS SPECIAL :)

At our table Paula sat next to me because she didn't want the table to seperate us. We both decided to try out the lasagna. While waiting for our plates, this thought popped into my head. I thought to myself how this all seems so 'strangely familiar.' Then, just as I was about to verbalize this to Paula, she smiled and said, "strangely familiar is it not?" I smiled at her and said, you did it again. You're reading my mind. We both laughed.

Finally, there was this one gentleman who sat next to us and did not take the extended liberty of gawking at us. This made us feel a bit more comfortable. Then, when his food arrived we understood why and that is because he ordered enough food to feed a farm of animals. So now Paula and I are gawking at him and he is just as happy as can be because he is on an eating mission.

Our meals alone, were enormous. Each piece of lasagna was about the size of a cobblestone and I am not exagerating. These things were huge. Paula and I managed to eat about half of our portions because the manager of the place kept coming over to make sure everything was exquisite. I guess we didn't want to hurt his feelings by not eating heartily. The food was great, but if we knew how big the servings were, we would have ordered one plate.

Well, that's my journal entry for the day :) By the way, you don't really think we played scrabble do you? ;) Wink



I have known now for over a year that 11/11/2009 and the days leading up to it would be rough.  The information I have received from our higher selves and Elloweina (Spirit Mother) is contradictory at times. On an intuitive level I felt that that was it for me. However, Protilius and Idavathian insist that it is only a rebirth. Elloweina says that that will be the day we will be set aglow. At this point, with the way I feel since Paula and I had to part, I feel as if I've been set afire because I am cooked. Whatever the case, what commonly happens before a rebirth? Anybody??? _______________ my point exactly. In order for a rebirth, something has to change or die shed itself from the original being. I'm certain that this has begun because the pain is excruciating to both Paula and I.

Paula and I talk every night - sometimes through journey mode but we still prefer a good old fashioned phone call. 2 nights ago, during one of our phone conversations, an attack occurred. We were both on our cell phones and we were both on the computers. That's when I noticed that my internet connection timed out and so I followed protocol by resetting everything and still - nothing! Then, Paula said the same thing happened to her. Neither of us had internet connections. Then we started losing our phone calls. I think we had to hit redial about 20 times until we finally gave up. By that time the bulb in the lamp next to my computer blew out. 

This is not the first time we've been attacked while trying to make phone conversations. These attacks effect electronics in a very strange way. In fact, Paula still has no internet access because she thinks that the attack somehow fried her computer - which is not good. By the way, Paula knows her stuff about computers and when she says it's fried - it's fried! So that is a first for us. Yes, we've been knows to set the fire alarms off in almost every hotel we've ever stayed in together, but we've never fried a computer. Really, back in the day when we would stay with each other in hotels, it became so common to set the fire alarms off that all we could do was laugh. From Ohio to Massachusetts, it didn't matter where we went. Fire alarms and smoke detectors never liked us.  LOL! I used to hate when we would set the fire alarms off when we were staying in a high rise hotel. That got annoying. Eventually, we just stayed in our rooms and when the firemen came knocking we would just smile at each other and not make a sound. Then, when they would go away, we get back to doin what we do best and that is loving each other like it was our last night on Earth.

By the way, Paula was planning on writing a journal entry and send emails to our friends here, but she is unable to do that at this time. Many things seem to be breaking lately. Even my own personal truck broke down. It's got something wrong with the radiator or thermostat and it started over heating. Luckily my bro helped me get home and cool that engine down.

Another thing that seems to be breaking down is my body. Well, part of that is my own fault because since Paula has left, I am eating like a typical bachelor which is not healthy. My body is letting me know it too. I have never been able to tolerate the foods that most people do. For instance; pizza will make me double over in pain. Bread or anything with dough, will basically shut my system down. And cheese :) I love cheddar cheese on anything. Lately, even that has been bothering me. Do you wonder why??? Well, I know why. Paula is gone and with our lives in disarray, I can hardly stomach anything. Our love is NOT broken but to be away from each other is absolutely killing us.

The Angels are worried as well. Two nights in a row I have seen Iparoth in my dreams and he is worried for the both of us as well as our families. I have not been able to retain what was verbalized from these dreams but I can see him very clearly and he is animated in the way he speaks with arm gestures. Paula was able to remember what he told her on one night. He told Paula that neither of us were eating hardly anything or drinking and that we needed to eat right or we would soon be in danger.

I can confirm that he is right. Neither of us can stomach food very well because we are sick at heart over this terrible thing that has happened to us. No we are not starving each other like some crazed cult. We are just some hurting people going through something very very hard. Trust me, we can put away some food and drink but lately, it goes in one door and out the other. Need I say more??? I think I'll leave it at that ;)

Last night, Iparoth kept me up for quite some time and wouldn't let me go back to bed. He kept me up because he said that I was dehydrated and needed to drink plenty of water. So, I did just that. I drank about 3 glasses of ice water and an hour and a half later, I finally fell asleep. 

A short while after Iparoth came to visit, I am awakened again by this high pitched buzzing in my right ear. It's Protharus (his incarnate self). I reach over on the bed night stand to look at my cell phone for the time and it says 3AM. I say to myself, "doesn't this guy ever sleep?" I could see him in his current state. He was pacing a lot and had many ideas going through his head and it seemed that he had all the lights on in his room. It was very bright where he was. Might as well have been 1 in the afternoon, but I know it was not. That's when I heard, "the next email I send you, is going to be big." He didn't mean big as in, long, either. That's it. That's all I remember because I had to go back to sleep. I had to shut him off because I'm exhausted. I work my arse off during the day and am already on the ropes. I'm barely getting by.

One thing I have noticed about journeying is that when we converse (you, me or anybody) there are more things understood than just the information being relayed. For instance, Protharus might say "big email" but I am picking everything else up that is not telepathically relayed. In this new way of being that is emerging, nothing will be hidden. We will ALL just KNOW :)

After that, I dreamed many dreams of things that are about to happen. Paula and I have these same dreams of about how things are going to change drastically for us. We know they are, but will not be sharing these details yet because the future is not set in stone. However, we do know the most likely scenarios, regarding 11/11/2009.

Anyway, nobody sent me an email with the latest "name that tune." What'zz up w/yall. Oh well, guess nobody appreciates music around here. I try and keep it "Juicy" (hint hint) but can't be helpin you cheat on music portion of your spiritual test. Anyway, it's all good either way. If you want, you can find that entry in Our Journal 7 if wish to take a shot at it.

© 2008 - 2009 by Collapsing Duality