Collapsing Duality...Journal














To contact Brendan and Paula click: Webmaster@collapsingduality.com
7/23/2009
Brendan

I posted a video on the homepage from Enya that backs up the movie, "Lord of The Rings." That movie has always intrigued me because of the whole ring bearer theme and how important it is that a pure heart be the one in charge of all the power. The symbolism behind the ring bearer in that movie could be applied in so many ways, today - IF ONLY THERE WAS A PURE HEART RUNNING THE NATIONS. 

On another note: I am just beginning to rebuild "The Ten" page and I am going to rename it something quite a bit more appropriate. Basically, I am re-doing the whole page and it will be under a different name.

So...does anybody want to take a gander at what that new name might be??? Try us ;) Email: Paula N Brendan if you think you know what it could be. If you've followed the TEN or the journal then you might be the winner. Is there a prize? Not in the form of money, anyway. I am too busy making paper footballs out of every dollar bill that I earn, just so that I can kick that paper football field goal in between the arms of Uncle Sam's arches and into his all seeing eye, which has become quite obscured as of late.

I posted a new article which you can find here. It is entitled The Stages of Spirit Self. This is an article written from our perspective on the levels of spiritual ascension and does not mean it will be the same for everybody. It's just how we've experienced it thus far. Besides, our paths started long before we ever met, just as yours have.

On another note: My ears rang recently and I journeyed to see who it was and it was a man who looked pretty bent out of shape. When Paula asked Idavathian who it was, she said "this is a man and he will be coming to Brendan in 2 weeks to do spirit battle. However, since Brendan is already on to him, he will have no problem handling him."

So...here comes another one ;) Idavathian says that there is a pyramid of nuisances and this is what we shall call them here from now on. Psi-stalker or spiritual warrior does not fit the profile of a troublemaker that simply needs a spiritual timeout.

Finally, I just want to say, "Great Job, Idagordava!" Heck, you know who you are :) The intent with which you operate is mind blowing. 

And to Kristen, LOVED your latest sculpture that you sent. Be sure to send us a pic after you've heated it up a bit.

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7/21/2009
Brendan

Alrighty then - it's on!!!

Paula is once again the target of psi-warriors. This time, it is not the original guy from S. Eastern Europe, even though he is lofting around us most of the time. This time, it is a combined effort between 2 women - one who is very experienced in blocking and the other who is the menace or attacker. Both are lofting visitors of Collapsing Duality, but have not shared anything here.

We will write about this experience in an article as I journaled the entire experience for Paula.

In a nutshell, here's what happened. Paula was attacked and when she journeyed to the source, she found a woman who started yelling at her and accusing her of all these things that she never did.

Idavathian informed us that it was all a lie - a road block to deter us from getting to the real source of the attack.

When Paula came out of her journey mode we just looked at each other like, "WHAT THE HELL!" We knew that something wasn't right with this picture. Besides, as grown ups, we need to take responsibility for our own actions anyway. You gotta use street smarts and open hearts, even when you're searching for your Twin. 

So, next thing Paula did, was to journey to Idavathian and asked her if this was the woman. Idavathian said that the person she found, was a friend of the attacker - a blocker to block you from getting to the source. The person you are looking for is in the Nations Capital.

What I gather about these blockers and to use an analogy: it's like in Basketball where somebody lays a pick to block the defensive man and to enable his teamate to hit a 3-pointer or a reverse slam dunk. That's kind of like what is happening with these two women who are colluding against Paula.

Anyway, Idavathian told Paula that she had 10 minutes because this attacker was informed by her blocker that Paula was on her tail. So, both Paula and Idavathian in their merged higher self form, went to her and taught her a lesson she'll never forget.

To add insult to injury, after Paula came back from her journey, the same woman came after to me and Protilius and I basically closed the deal - as if Paula and Idavathian had not already done so. Right?? LOL!

We'll write about this entire experience in the future.

On another note - as busy as Protharus and Idagordava, are (actually their incarnate selves, because they choose to be anonymous for many reasons) we have been journeying once again, back and forth to each other.

This time it is Idagordava (her incarnate self who lives in europe - but now on the road) who is really learning how to develop her sight and journey skills. 

For awhile, the four of us we're going through some hard times where we were balancing our energies, but now we're heading into new territory as Idagordava has arrived in a big way and Protharus is coming into a very nice balance.

The intent with which she (Idagordava) makes our ears ring goes unmatched. All Paula and I have to do, when our ears ring, is to follow that ring tone back to its source - which is Idagordava.

We've begun to realize that certain people who visit us, have a certain ring tone, like a cell phone has a song for your favorite people and your least favorite people - like your boss ;)

Idagordava as her incarnate self, has been coming to us because she wants us to show her how Paula and I worship and make sacred love together, so that she can learn, take part in and most importantly - do the same for Protharus (her husband). We have been helping her with all of the above, just the way Protilius, Idavathian and rest of the original 8 have shown us how it really is in Heaven.

We'll be writing more in depth about this, as well.

I hope you all enjoyed the latest poem. I have several more articles, poems and sayings cooking on the stove as I write.

Thank you all for visiting and keeping it going ;)

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7/18/2009
Brendan

If we are what we eat, then more often than not, we also believe what we are told.

That is why so many of us, without even realizing, are being fed a constant barrage of Big Macs and Whopper’s for a dietary supplement, to provide a filler for the anemia of truthful reporting, fed to us daily, by a mass media with a weight problem at the soul level. 

It never ceases to amaze me how all they can ever deliver, are: 3 homicides, 2 car crashes, and 1 home invasion. Then, to conclude 30 minute segment of shear, drive-thru inspiration, they leave us (the audience) in bated breath with a commentary about the atrocity that occurred, when a top celebrity model broke a finger nail while vacationing on her yacht.  

And they expect us to believe we just had a Happy Meal?


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7/15/2009
Brendan

Howdy YALL :)

Please enjoy the latest story submission from Kristin and Jude HERE

 Great story that you share with us, Kristin. You write beautiful poetry, create great sculptures and you ain't afraid to let us all know what worship is really all about ;) Words of advice: Don't ever change

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We finally figured out part of the reason why things have been so crazy around here. The psi-attacker is back. Actually, he never really went away. He just caught us at a weak moment where we are releasing some major baggage - especially me.

Anyway, we knew for sure it was him the other day. Paula kept having these episodes where she would keel over in pain as if somebody was stabbing her (and he was.) So, I just decided to see if it was him - the psi attacker. Sure enough, I found him on his bed when I journeyed to him. He is in S. Eastern Europe/Balkan area. Anyway, as soon as I entered his room he watched me fly around him and we exchanged words. He is very paranoid because he cannot project like I can. However, he is still quite a nuisance and dangerous as we've seen in the past. He has not connected with his higher self but is still very mobile with his lower spirit self - that part of his spirit that looks just like he does, in the flesh.

So, while Paula was keeled over and I was journeying, I decided to to come up from underneath him. I went through the floor so he could not see me and came up from under him and sent him flying off of his bed just so he would quit attacking Paula. It was very effective too. He screamed because it hurt. Hell, I didn't want him to think I was there to play a game of Chess, right? However, he is getting real close to a check mate scenario.

I am not out to attack, but to enlighten. However, if I need to, I will go on the offensive. It is OUR God given right to love and to protect those who are weak and unable to defend themselves - and our own selves too. Having said that, I am not talking about pulling a guided missile frigate into a Haitian port, ready to Tomohawk Cruise Missile a fishing boat full of Haitians who are doing nothing but catching their food for the day. I've been there and seen it! People have to let live and not play the acting part of God - this is the problem with current administration - Manipulate, divide and Conquer. Sound familiar? Ever read Sun Tzu, the Art of War? I wouldn't advise rading it, because when you practice Sun Tzu, you open yourself up to too much karmic backlash. Sun Tzu is not spiritual. I believe the ancient Mexicans would call anyone practicing this method of manipulation/conquer - masters of the concrete.

Also - we both found out more about the psi-attacker: He told Paula, "Little sister, If I can kill either you or your mate, then none of this will happen. You might as well be dead."

I learned from Protilius that he calls Paula his "little sister," because he is from another pyramid and that he is actually older than her. Now there's a revelation in itself. Think about that one ;) ?

On another note: to pass the time over the past few days, I've been writing some poetry. Usually I write poetry when I've got a lot of turmoil going on. Then, I  recycle that turmoil and turn it into something positive - like a poem. That's where I'm at right now. I'm not going to put it all down in here just yet (the poem) 'cus I'm not done. But, I just wanted to give you a taste to see where I'm going with this. Here is the first stanza:

Working Title: The Children of The I AM

In the cradle of her sacred womanhood
Growing are The Children of the I AM
Birthing the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost
Into every waking soul walking the Earth
About to pass through the chalice of her womb -

'notha note:

It's good to see Daniel and Kristin (CD regulars ;)) have joined us on Twitter, as well as Yoko. I was reading some of Yoko's stuff and man, she can operate in the abstract. We love that stuff. If ya haven't read her stuff - check it out!

Ironically, there is a John Lennon art exhibit on Martha's Vineyard this weekend. The Vineyard is only a 40 minute ferry ride for us to get to it. We may go, but with me working 13 out of every 14 days (in a row) it doesn't look good for me. My brain feels like a pentium processor on crack or Krak. Sleep for me, is like the new drug. When I get it, it's real good and I always want more.

In regards to Yoko's writing: The ancient Greeks believed that the abstract way of thought was the highest form of thinking. I read this somewhere - was it Plato??? I don't know, it was years ago.

As far as journeying goes and finding the others: I've not been very efficient. I'm completely toast for some reason. I think I have arrived at one of those plateau's that I wrote about in earlier journal entries. In other words: I need to chill and do some good old fashioned 3D living and just to enjoy living in the NOW.

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7/13/2009
Brendan

Join us on Twitter

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7/11/2009
Brendan

Man: Only as Wealthy as The Most Impoverished

Even the wealthiest man, in all his pursuits of material greed is only as wealthy as the most impoverished person on Earth. That is why many of the financially wealthy living on this planet, keep on wanting more. However, in the greed or wanting for more, they still are unable to drown out the cries of their brothers who are in pain. What they do not understand is that the roots of their unhappiness lie within bellies of the hungry and homeless living in mud huts or out of cardboard boxes and not because the real heroes: their maids, pool cleaners, or landscapers cannot make the grass any greener for them on the other side.

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7/9/2009
Brendan

I've made mention recently that I have felt burnt out. Well, that is an understatement. Paula and I are both feeling this "something" that is kicking our asses. It's not a psi-attacker or more recently learned "spirit warrior," that is causing this; it's something that's going on inside. This something, I have no answer for - at least not at the present moment.

I have had a feeling for years that to be truly spiritual and to be able to FULLY realize all things spiritual, we must break all material ties and basically - WALK!. I know that may not make sense to many, but I feel this inside. However, to break all material ties to this completely unforgiving system would also mean that innocent people get hurt. I am trying to figure out the correct way to make this happen without hurting little hearts. I feel like I am being ripped apart or pulled in two directions. And, I don't care what Idavathian said when she spoke the words, "do not worry, your little ones will be taken care of," because we do not agree on this. Maybe that's ego, maybe not, but little ones come first!

On the one hand there are the children who rely upon a comfortable standard of living that they have become accustomed to. Then, on the other, there is me who, having been on a spiritual mission since the age of 17 has found the path, but cannot let go of some of the old ways to experience the new for fear of hurting people - and that just does not seem right to me.

So, how do I do this?

One thing that I have never done in my life, is WALK. I've wanted to WALK or QUIT many times but that stubborn part of me that was instilled by a hard working Dad, wouldn't let me. Even though my Dad was a better coach than a player, I still respect what he instilled in me - always will.

Lately, the strangest notion has been going through my mind and that is: To WALK. Is that the answer to the question??? I've done everything else and trust me, I run all of the scenarios. For me, to walk, would be like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. But, maybe this is what they are testing me at, now.

I have gone over and over the possible answers to the questions that I seek. One thing I do know is that the answer rests squarly on my shoulders. There will be no Protilius or Idavathian in this one - even though they are scared to death at the outcome of some of the scenarios that I have run in my mind. They are scared because their future relies upon me as well as Paula. That brings up another thing: the fact that I don't want to let them down either. There is so much to deal with right now.

Therefore, since I have been feeling like I do, I am going to take a break for awhile and not do anything that has to do with this stuff. For a change, maybe I'll turn on the television if it doesn't make me sick to my stomach, first. I already know what I'll see on MSNBC and that is the differences in people. CNN will display breaking news about how Kim Jung Ill is looking frail. Then, Fox News will be displaying the top ten reasons why we should be Republicans instead of Democrats and tell us that it is fair and balanced. Give me an fucking break!

Matter of fact, maybe I'll go see that new Transformers movie. I heard it was good. I liked the first one.

Given the options that cable television has to offer, maybe I'll buy a newspaper and read the same one over and over again because the headlines really never change :) Do they? I don't think so. Same shit, different day.

Anyway, maybe I'll be back in a few days, maybe a week - maybe a month. I do not know what this feeling means but I'm going through some heavy heavy stuff that is just wiping me out.

I'll still be lofting and checking mail for story submissions. Feel free to contact us with questions or just to write.

B

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7/7/2009
Brendan

It was brought to my attention in an email that I had not really made my point as to why I felt the heavens were shaken. Then, when I went back and re-read  the past journal update, I found it was true - LOL! Thanks D ;)

The reason I felt they were shaken (and I mean that literally) is because both Paula and I go through these intense moments of growth that can be very painful at times. We don't always talk about them, but they are part of that collapse that is still going on in our own personal lives. At times it feels as though we are coming apart or even out of our skins. It's not too pleasant. Sometimes we get really frustrated and when we are pushed too hard, (by the heavens) we push back just to get some relief. When we push back, which happened just last week, I could feel the energy become wobbly or shaky. It was as if our own higher selves wondered if we were strong enough to do this. Most of the time when this happens we usually end up just crying it out and helping each other get back on our feet.

On another note: On the 6/29/2009 entry, we mentioned that we were going to attend a concert on 6/30/2009. Even though I was at work and inbetween jobs, I journeyed to the concert while I was driving in my car. The concert was in Barcelona. It was too cool because I was flying around the stadium and checking out the crowd. It's amazing how fast I was able to make rounds in that stadium. I was doing circles in there. Sometimes I would stop and see if any given person could actually see me, because I know that some of them can.

Another thing I should mention is a message that Paula received from Idavathian. The message comes at a good time because we are now meeting more and more people who can journey and are interracting with us. They visit us all the time now and our days of privacy are over, lol! A few of them can (at times but only rarely) seem a bit preachy about how we are doing things. It's not that they are wrong in what they say to us, it's just that THIS WHOLE THING is not going to happen on their time (the preachy ones), but it will be on ours - no matter how long it takes Paula and I to clear out the blockages. That message is from Idavathian to those it may concern. This is what I say to those who are waiting: "Paula and I are doing our best. It's all we can do. So there are many people waiting for us to get it right. Well, I say that everything is going exactly to plan. This was something that started long before any of us were born into this world. Relax and have faith. And, we did figure out what was holding us back. It's going to be okay."

The countdown clock is reading 126 days. So, what happens in 126 days on 11/11/2009??? Protilius and Idavathian become ONE ENTITY and Paula & I become married in heaven - never to part again. 

There are still many things that are just TOO BIG for my mind to grasp about some of this: like the fact that they say we will be set aglow in our own skins. We already know that our merged spirit selves glow, because when we journey to those who can see us, they tell us that we do. In experiments, sometimes I will step inside the persons body who is watching me and see myself through their eyes - and, I most certainly do glow and I am completely naked. I still haven't figured out how to clothe myself and maybe, just maybe, I never will. We don't know. The question is: is it possible for a person to glow, while in their skins? I cannot honestly spend too much time wondering about this because whether we do or do not glow after 11/11, it's still not going to change who we are inside or anything else. Besides, it's just too big for my mind too grasp anyway.

Another biggy is the fact that when Paula asked: What happens after 11/11/22009, Protilius responded by saying, "preparation for the New Earth, will begin." 

One thing we should be alert for on 11/11 is the fact that those people who control the wealth of Nations, may actually decide that they think they know what the sacred numbers are really all about and pull one of their own stunts. This is what happens when man in general tries to play the acting part of God. Would you be surprised if something did happen on that date? Same here ;) However, we cannot dwell on something that will only instill more fear and that is why I am all done talking about it for now.

One more thing: I am thinking of changing the page entititled The Ten. Too much has been learned since it was created and it just is not a broad enough term to encapsulate what is going on, on such a grand scale.

I'm thinking of changing it from "The Ten," to "The 6.7 Billion."

To borrow a great line from the movie Good Will Hunting - "Do you like apples? Well, how ya like them apples?" Of course, I left out the last part where Matt Damon says, "I got her phone number." LOL!

Peace ;)

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7/4/2209
Brendan

Well, about 3 days ago I began to feel that the heavens were "shaken." Yes I have used that word before in past entries and in the I Am Dialogues but this was different. In other words: It wasn't about strife or Paula and I having to accept our higher selves. No, this was different but nonetheless, uncomfortable.

Yesterday I wrote that I was burnt out and needed a break from journeying. However, last night 2 more people found me. The first one, I have seen before in my dreams but cannot remember his name. He insisted that he introduce me to somebody by the name of Jim. Jim lives in Hawaii. For some reason, he thought it was so important for me to see Jim because we both looked alike. Whatever the case, (looking alike, or not) I can say that I have found 2 more people of the pyramid. And, just like all the other times, that broad brush or worship was exercised.

Another really great person and frequenter of Collapsing Duality is also part of the pyramid. She is from Brazil and both Paula and I have visited her and can see her with GREAT clarity. Although she is yet to be able to see us, we are working on this and it will gradually come to fruition. Yes, Melody, you're it ;)

Another frequenter of this site, who we have been talking to for some time has also wondered the same: Am I Part of This Pyramid that you guys talk about? Yes, Daniel, you most certainly are. Your path that you seek, even at such a young age has been noted. You seek this path with a passion (like Paula and I) you are a part of the pyramid(s) - plural. :) Yes, I know, you'll have questions about that last word and we'll give 'em to ya. We'll be writing about them shortly. 

Another thing I did yesterday, was to journey to Protilius and Idavathian because we have really needed some answers to things we have not been able to figure out. Guess what? I found them. They were there and waiting. I asked them why I could see them again and they said that we needed a break. 

Today, Paula and I had a discussion about this "broad brush of worship" term that I so commonly use. It has been the topic of many heated discussions between us - because we talk about everything and that includes the 50% of the information that we do not share on this site because we simply haven't figured out the way to tell you (the reader) how worship really is in Heaven.

Anyway, after I told Paula about finding Protilius and Idavathian, again, she told me that Idavathian talked to her last night while she was working. However, she dismissed it at first, because we thought we were merged.

Come to find out, (today) after Paula's in depth conversation with both of them, we still are merged, but some things needed to be worked out in order for us to proceed any further. We got all of the answers and will be writing about it in the I Am Dialogues - including that 50% of the experiences we haven't figured out how to share with you. Somehow, we need to get the message out about what Worship really is and how it is experienced in Heaven.

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7/3/2009
Brendan

I am a little bit burnt out from work and journeying, so I am going to do something I haven't done before.

I'm going to try a little experiment for fun. 

It's called name that tune. Sound familiar :) I probably should call it, name that line (from great songs.) If you know the line from the song, click the link below and tell us.

Anyway, here goes:

"Substitution, mass confusion clouds inside your head."

Name that tune and what band wrote it

 Googling it is not allowed!!! If you Google it, we will know ;) because we journey through all of Googles searches. Googling the song will result in a grade so poor that it begins with a K - for KHARMA!!! LOL!

Hahahaha :)

Brendan & Paula

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6/29/2009
Brendan

Tomorrow, Paula and I (if I get home from work, early enough) will be journeying together, to a concert. We've journeyed together before but this time, we're journeying to watch a live performance. I can't wait. I just hope I'm home from work early enough to make it. If not, maybe I'll catch the tail end of the show.

Lately, I've been noticing that I can journey, with my eyes open, while I'm driving in my car, talking to people in conversation and even journey to multiple people all at once. While journeying to multiple people at once, I am finding that I can see all of them and am able to hold conversations with each and not get overwhelmed by it all. It's kind of like a conference call ;)

I wrote to Protharus and told him how there was a doubling of our energies - both Paula and I. What I meant was that my own abilities have increased dramatically, which is why I wrote what I did in the second paragraph of this journal entry.

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6/28/2009
Brendan

I have never talked about popular celebrities on this site, but since the King of Pop has passed on, I figured I'd dedicate one video by The Jackson 5 - "Can You Feel It." I remember this song from way back in the day - even before Thriller. I must have been 7 or 8 years old when it came out.

I don't know where you were or how old you were, but I was 12 when MJ hit big with Thriller. All of my friends were trying to do that moonwalk thing (me included) and he was on top of the world.

After seeing MJ over the past 10 to 15 years in all of his pain, I am just glad to know that his suffering is over. HIs path was one path of many choices. Regardless of what he may or may not have done, I know that he is FREE from his fame and his skin, which he felt so trapped in.

God himself is very forgiving and when I weigh, in my own heart, the numbers of good things he did for people versus the numbers of bad or speculatively bad things he did to people, the good outweighs the bad by so many fold.

find that video here: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW1fXL3s7bk

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6/25/2009
Brendan

Paula and I are still trying to figure out why some people can see us when we journey to them and some do not. For instance, when we journey to members of our immediate family (incarnate family) they are completely unaware. Yet, when we journey to people like that of the Ten, they always see us. We have a couple of theories: First, that anybody within the soul family of that pyramid will only be able to see us. Second, that people who have been on a deeply spiritual mission can only see us. Whatever the case, if you can see us, then that is a good thing. You are likely either part of the pyramid or part of the ascension at large.  But then again, maybe not. We're trying to understand this as well.

I relate it to making a long distance phone call to somebody you've never met before - at least in this incarnation. Example: I dial the number not knowing what to expect. The phone starts ringing. Will somebody be there to pick it up? It takes upstream and downstream, two-way telepathic communication to make this thing work. If nobody is there to pick up the call, (or in this case, hear or see us) then we will likely get the answering machine. When this happens, the experience that they just had will likely play out in their dreamstate. However, if somebody is aware enough or related at the soul level, then they will see and hear us in real time. 

I always remind myself that Protilius and Idavathian taught us many things, but they also want us to figure many other things out for ourselves. So, we are putting the pieces of this puzzle together as well. They told us that some of these experiences we will like and others, we will not like so much.

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6/23/2009
Brendan

2 nights ago, I finally got to meet Kamiko. Kamiko (her incarnate name) is one of the ten - higher self name - Invalarion. She is from Japan. I also met one other woman, only, I cannot for the life of me remember her name. I only know that she is from Africa. This is how some of the introductions go - through the dreamstate. These dreams are so real - everything is functioning, sight, smell, touch, taste and feel.

I wish I could tell you more about these experiences. I will, in the future. For now, I will just file them in the other 50 % of the experiences that I cannot share. I am journaling them, though ;) I have it all.

Protharus sent me along some of the higher self names of the people he has been visited by. We thank him beyond words. In a way, it is also confirmation that I am not losing my damn mind, LOL!

They are as follows:

Pomatharian, Protunion, Avarion, Intarian, and Paravatid.

We are not sure where these people will wind up in the scheme of thing. I have yet to meditate on them because I've been so busy working with Protharus.

By the way, we got an email today from him and it seems as though his merge with his higher self has not yet occurred. He sees him all the time now. I believe he is close but it may take a combination of things, which I will work with him on...

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6/21/2009
Brendan

Well, we hope everybody had a Great Father's Day!

Paula made me breakfast this morning. All of our children were there and they got to watch me ride a scooter off the back deck. The deck is only 3 feet off the ground, so I lived to tell about it. Everybody always gets a good laugh out of an adult willing to make a fool out of himself for laughs :) Man, was I dirty though.

On another note: I finally posted Paula's second journey. Check it out by clicking the following link: The Ten, Their Totems and The Spire.

I am working on another article. It doesn't even have a name yet, but will be talking about the stages that our lower self spirit goes through while on it's way to meeting and merging with the higher self.

There is a theorized "next stage" after the lower self/higher self merge that I will be sharing as well. This is only a theory for now, but I have an intuitive feeling that this next stage will be realized fairly shortly.

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6/19/2009
Brendan

On June 8th (Our Journal 3) I journaled about how Paula and I journeyed together for the first time and found that we had both merged with Protilius and Idavathian. Another thing that took place was how we both came to realize that we had created a son. His name is Pamaraneus. I learned of this on one of my last journeys to Protilius - before the merge.

Shortly after, Paula journeyed to Idavathian and asked to see Pamaraneus. Idavathian told Paula, "Not Yet."

Why did she say this? We know now :)

They were waiting for us to merge so that I could hand Pamaranus to Paula so that she could experience him for the first time.

Anyway, during our journey together, I handed Pamaraneus to Paula and she held him. This all took place at the Palace - the mainstay. An interesting thing to note is that while we journeyed, laying side by side in the bed, we were talking to each other and having this experience. When I handed Pamaraneus to Paula, I literally opened my eyes and looked at Paula and asked, "what do you see?"

Her reply was unexpected. She said, "just you and your beautiful eyes and this glow of gold all around you."

I couldn't figure it out. I handed our child to her and she didn't bring the experience back.

The reason for this, and I have spent much time figuring it out. There have been other times of a "delayed experience" before. I myself have experienced it on many occasions. Why the time delay? The reason is that if there is any fear or apprehension on the one doing the journeying, a time delay is initiated so that the journeyer can absorb the tremendous experience that is taking place. As Protilius and Idavathian have said, our little minds can only absorb so much at one time.

Well, a day or two later, that experience of me handing our child over to Paula, finally trickled down to her in a dream. I'm so glad she finally got to experience Pamaraneus.

On a BIG other note: Our experiences with Protharus continue to evolve. When we journey to Protharus, we do not journey and appear to them as Protilius and Idavathian looked. We journey now, as our merged selves with higher self.

We have fun journeying to them. Spirit Mother, Protilius and Idavathian all told us that "he was waiting for this day." Sure enough, he was :) I am so glad too. I have to admit, I didn't believe it at first.

There have been many wonderful experiences with our journeys to him. I am constantly seeking advice from their higher selves (Idagordava included.)

One of the last times I visited, I found Protharus (higher self) waiting to greet me and Idagordava's higher self laying down in semi-circle formation with a group of other beings (not the ten.) 

We have come to find that when these beings are laying down, they are living the experience through our physical bodies here on Earth. Protilius did it this way and so did Idavathian. I am getting ready to publish part 3 of the I Am Dialogues, which will explain this part much more in depth.

On our last big journey to Protharus (the incarnate version of him) Paula found him up in bed reading a book. A conversation ensued and it was very emotional. He started crying because he has been searching for this for so long and now he is finding his spirit mother and father - and he realizes this.

While Paula's higher self held his incarnate self, I journaled the experience in writing. Paula was crying as he was too. Then, his higher self - the real Protharus came down and began to attempt to merge. It was unbelievable.

I've said it before and will say it again. Miraculous times are upon us!

Now, as he stated himself, "I feel you are pregnant with me and about to give birth." This is what the incarnate version of Protharus stated to Paula.

If this is any indication of how it will be going forth, then this is one beautiful experience. 

As I journaled and recorded what was taking place, I coudn't help but notice how emotional Paula was. First she started crying and then she was shaking from head to toe. At that point, I said the hell with journaling and I wrapped my arms around her. When I did this, Protharus could feel me as well. As he began to acknowledge that I was his Father, I started crying - we were all crying.

There are many other amazing synchronicities that were learned that night. Hopefully, in the future, if and when the incarnate version of Protharus let's me. I will publish the story because it was so beautiful and touching that I still am stunned by it all. We never expected that.

While we build up a level of trust with Protharus, we have begun email contact and been doing so for over a week. He and his wife are dealing with many of the same issues that pop up with Paula and I, like fear.

Like he said in his last email to me, "this is something that cannot be ignored."





Idavathian - Paula's Higher Self
pastel done by Paula
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