Twin Flame Guidance
This article was written by a good friend of ours we met almost a year ago. We've always liked what he's had to say about many different things having to do with spirituality and twin flames. He's written so many great things and we wish we could publish more. We hope you enjoy this as much as we do.
Brendan & Paula
In the twinsoul or twinflame experience there are always two sides that are united in some common foundation or energetic experience. Many describe this as a shared soul, or part of a divine feminine and masculine relationship that transcends many of our current concepts or understandings of relationships here in the earthly journey. Because of this, and because of the intensity and closeness that this experience produces, some people have difficulty dealing with the connection. This results in what is commonly called the runner. It can happen to either or both people engaged in a connection, and it seems to happen also in degrees (wanting to bolt but hanging steady for the time being). For as hurtful and frustrating as having someone run from you can be, I cannot escape the feeling that what these people often need is to feel safe and comfortable in this unusual union of souls. I would like to stress upfront, though, that some people can put themselves beyond being helped, that despite all of our well reasoned efforts, nothing seems to help. I can understand how hard it can be to have someone like this in your life because its so easy for us to look into their world view and see the great potential that we feel is just being squandered. In the final analysis, we all have to make ourselves available for help, and no one else can do that for us. Since I am male, I will obviously have a masculine perspective on this, and what I am going to suggest to you will be based on some of the things I have seen from that perspective both in this twin experience as well as in day to day life. Its very likely that the women reading this will already have most of this figured out! There are some issues I am going to deal with initially, and one has to do with the makeup of people who run and the type of understanding that begs to be kept in the heart and mind of the person not doing the running. The other is holding to a "real world" conception of this twin experience, and how parts of this world view, at least, may not serve the twin experience as well as it could.
I have noticed, or seem to have noticed, that a large percentage of runners tend to be males. Not all, certainly, but many. You can see what I mean by searching the web sources out there such as message boards and other forums dealing with the twin or soul connection issue. I am going to make some sweeping generalizations and I hope that you can understand that there is no way to address the runner situation piece by piece, person by person. But when you see a lot of men running, there is a pattern, and maybe its because there are more women out there engaged in the experience who are more willing to talk about it online, and maybe the males are less apt to discuss this issue concerning a female runner (which is to reserve the right to consider I could be wrong). I am not going to suggest that my analysis will necessarily make things instantly easier for you, but the one thing that remains clear to me that no matter how hard things can get with twins, for my money, compassion and love carry the day. Even after all the denials, rejections, and games people play, this experience continues to be, for me at least, something that represents a new paradigm, a new way of seeing and interacting with the universe. Trying to shoehorn it into traditional 3-D experience may not serve you as well as you had hoped and may well create more problems.
Males have a kind of suit of armor that is at least partly supplied by the soup of hormones they swim in them physically. It gives us the resilience to go into battle without fearing too much for our delicate psyche's. In fact, in many ways, I think as males we get used to not showing emotion and sometimes not really being all that connected with our feelings in comparison to our feminine counterparts. I think the old stereotypes are softening greatly in recent years, but there are still expectations on the part of other men, women, and society in general, that men should behave as men are "expected" to behave. We might even enjoy those roles, but there is always a potential downside to them as well, which is that we might not be as fully functional with our emotional side as those who know us well might need or expect. It becomes easy to retreat into our protective armor more than we should, and we might not know what in the heck to do with all these crazy emotions that we are suddenly hit with when the twin experience comes barrelling down the pike with us in its headlights. This is not to suggest that men do not feel, obviously we do, but I think we are constructed a little differently and this can result in some challenges.
While I have been fascinated my whole life with the concept of spiritual communion with another soul, I always framed it within my notion of what "close" is. Even when I was close in my relationships, I think there was some kind of barrier or wall erected or else I should have felt that communing more fully. I knew it was a capacity humans had, but never having experienced it before I didn't know quite what to expect. What the twin experience was, was akin to pulling off all my armor and finding myself sharing my own inner space with another sentience or being, who was the "twin." It was as if all my life I had my head space occupied by me and suddenly someone took up residence there when I least expected it. Don't get me wrong, the feeling was absolutely divine..... but at times I would react as though I felt clausterphobic (I'm not normally that way; I actually enjoy intimate spaces!). It was simply a lot to take in, to get used to. I am convinced, though, that we CAN get used to it and over time and what we find uncomfortable or unusual simply becomes commonplace for some folks. I can however understand how it might upset the balance for someone who is used to being alone in their head, causing them to run. I can also understand how scary the emotions can be after being the strong silent male type who is so used to sucking it up and soldiering on. In some ways, the twin experience strips away loads of stuff we as men have been used to having as part of our day to day experience. There is some deep part of us that says we want it, and another part that says it might well scare the crap out of us for the newness of it all. This experience can make you about as vulnerable as a person could be. Mix in some wild cosmic energy and strange dreams and syncs and it can get pretty crazy.
Personally, I think that we are ill prepared for this experience. We are not adept enough at knowing how to deal with this new set of sensations, and even downright freaky events that surround those going through this experience. The only coping mechanism sometimes is to simply deny, to run, to try and get twin out of our headspace as quickly as possible so we can have a moment alone (I can hear the tittering laughter....). What if we were to develop methods for coping with this new experience? I am not suggesting institutionalizing this portion of the experience in the least (and who would want that?), but what I am suggesting is that this experience is happening to so many people with so little experience with how to cope with the onlsaught of new feelings that the twin experience offers, that the runner situation begs to be dealt with.
For my money, I think that the twin experience has to be given some time. Very often the twin experience is an event that just drops out of the sky for us and suddenly everything moves very fast. The energies and the twin experience itself cause us to question a good many of our cherished beliefs. Many twins are in midlife, married, with kids and a life when the twin experience comes crashing through the bush. Being able to give this experience some time and resisting the urge to act impulsively (which many many people attest to having done) could well help in alleviating some of the problems later on down the road. I am not saying that one needs to keep the brakes on this experience.
Unfortunately, the twin experience in the beginning stages does little to help us ease gently into its waters. While we can feel an incredible sense of connection, trying to put that connection into a physical context can be disasterous for some people, something that can trigger a runner response for the simple fact that its just so damned intense all the way around (you name it, its intense, and THAT can get hard to deal with after a while). This is where a little patience can go a long way.
I think that when we try to treat this connection like other earthly connections we are missing part of the point. Let's say that tomorrow someone actually creates a cross between an apple and an orange. When that fruit hits the stores, would we be treating it as an apple or an orange? I think what we would have to do is to treat it as the new fruit it is instead of trying to compare it to apples OR oranges. To make this all fit into our normal sense of how relationships are supposed to proceed seems often to create a great deal of problems for people. I don't think its as much of an impasse as we might think, though. Its a new experience.
I am not trying to be an apologist for the runner, even if it may seem so. In fact, since we are here in the physical, I do think that we all have to learn to live up to some very basic expectations concerning our behavior such as showing respect, empathy/sympathy, and being straight with the other people involved. However, by putting demands on the runner I don't think you will better your position as a matter of course. Sure, your twin may be behaving badly, he might say he will meet you and then stand you up time and time again. He (or she) may meet you and then freak out, shutting down or wind up running. This can happen over and over again. Its exasperating to those that it happens to, and can lead to feelings of rejection. But consider for a moment that the person acting these baviours out may not have the tools to properly cope in a way they feel comfortable with. They may feel out of control, or the intensity might give them this feeling of angst or stress that they simply have a hard time getting their heads around. I think that a little understanding can go a long way, and an expressed willingness to take whatever time necessary to learn about this can be a real help for some. One thing is for certain, though, and that is that while a runner may bolt, they invariably wind up in the same place as when they left. No one else can teach them or tell them that this is the case. Only experience can teach this. Through all of this the non-runner must also know how to keep their own sense of personal worth and self respect in a healthy position, and sometimes it all comes down to how strongly we choose to react to another person. Making excuses for a runner isn't healthy, but neither is writing them off always a sound option either.
Being able to ask your twin "what can I do to make this easier?" could go a long way in coming to grips with this experience. Being able to resist shoe-horning the experience into a traditional earthly relationship is another. This takes the pressure off and gives the potential runner some room to come to grips with the experience. Realize that this process may take years to work through for the simple fact that we are a product of many years of conditioning prior to all of this that has to be slowly worn away in order for this new experience to fit in with the rest of the self and psyche. Rome was not built in a day. I understand that in some cases that giving a twin a little rope might feel like you are allowing them enough length with which to hang themselves, but really, what's the alternative? Many people grow tired of men who behave badly, who don't have "the balls" to suck it up and deal with the experience in an adult fashion. I'd say I'd completely agree were it not for the newness and cosmic implications of this experience. Here, treading carefully and doing what this connection does best (loving unconditionally) can be the best means to helping someone ease into this experience. I also know how confusing it can be for someone to engage you energetically and then pull back later. Its hardly an easy thing to deal with, but really, what are the alternatives? I am NOT excusing bad behavior, but at the end of the day after all the thrashing about, you still are like two fish hooked on the same line.
Women have an amazing capacity for healing and nurturing. Oh God, now he is hauling out the feminine stereotypes! Hang on, though, because I mean this sincerely. In some ways, this is what women have been asked to do for millenia, and many come by it very naturally as a result of their roles as the bearers of new physical life. All I can say is that when two people are connected in this way, the woman is able to access the cosmic feelings as well as those feelings buried deep within a man that go back to being nurtured by their first mother. There is great power in this position! But doing this will take work, and realizing what your own personal strengths are. They may not be typically feminine, and I hardly want to seed all of this with stereotypes even though many twins accept that they both play a complimentary role in their divine sexuality in helping to heal and balance the two sides of themselves. To be able to be a nurturer actually takes great strength, and being strong and firm means having a balance of sensitivity and receptivity. Being able to learn from both sides of the equation seems to be where the great learning comes in for twins.
I would also caution people to recognize that the twin experience is very often centered on dealing with your own issues karmically. One thing that twins can often do is to help each other to heal. To be available for healing means you have to make yourself vulnerable. To open yourself to this experience requires a good degree of surrender, and many men don't have all the skills necessary for simply letting go, so bear that one in mind. Sure, in certain instances they may be able to let themselves go (when they are in their comfort zone) but what about when your own identity feels like it is getting the squeeze? Men are accustomed to being able to fix things, to correct problems and deal with issues they are familiar with without necessarily dealing with the feelings involved (this is often what upsets some women about men who always want to FIX things instead of just listen to how their twin FEELS about something....with "fixing" sometimes being entirely beside the point). A lot of this stuff is new territory for them, and the landscape spread before us can be daunting sometimes. Might be that by finding things for twin to fix or work through might be something that could keep that guy engaged in the process and feel like he is somehow better able to wrap his head around things a little better.
Being able to create some personal space is not entirely a bad thing. Learning how to clear your space, as a friend once described to me, can be important in giving yourself a breather. What this twin experience does is it heightens our awareness of others' energy. I can remember years ago when I began first sensing auras, I became much more picky about when I would go out into public for the simple fact that if I was not properly protected, I'd wind up feeling masses of emotion and energy much like one might feel the breeze of cars as they passed you as you walked down the road. Clearing your space can be achieved through very simple imagery techniques (if you imagine it, its probably already working) as well as learning how to put your attention onto other things just so you can get a moment of relief (change focus!). The connection will always be there, and learning how to manage it well is an important part of knowing how to cope with this new experience. Being able to communicate this to a runner or potential runner in such a way as to be encouraging without being off-putting is a real skill.
Bottom line is that yes, you feel incredibly close to twin. Don't let that cause you to make demands on that twin right off, and don't be fooled into trying to define this thing along strict physical terms. Give it time. Allow your counterpart the time he or she needs to learn the ins and out of this thing, and while this happens, a good deal of forgiveness may be in order (while also not giving up your own dignity). It might mean being willing to connect with them as they need in order to grow used to the idea of what this experience entails. If this connecting is tantamount to "cheating" when married, you have some issues you are going to first have to come to terms with. Realize that there is very little that compares to this experience and may well represent a new way for us as humans to begin connecting. In fact, it could well be a saving grace for us on this planet at this time even if it does fly in the face of our accepted social norms. Clearly, those people with the least problems are often the ones who do not attempt to shoe-horn the experience into a standard earthly relationship paradigm but accept it as is without trying to judge it or analyze it all the time. Becoming rigid and unmovable in any of this will mean that your twin will have to meet you on YOUR terms alone and this simply may not be possible, and you will have to deal with the rammifications of this and the problems that it will present to you as well as your counterpart. Realize also that emotions are heightened, and that a mole hill will seem like a mountain. A small complaint could take on the scale of an emergency. A small poke feels like a piercing, so let's all be gentle with one another. Communicate, but sometimes turning down the volume might be what's necessary in order to get the point across when listing the things that bother us, or concern us about the experience, or about our twin for that matter. Any poke can feel like its going to the core of our souls.
In the end, though, if you think that your twin simply lacks a spine, you might be missing the more important point in all of this. This is not to make excuses for bad behavior, for clearly we all must learn to deal with each other like adults, but at the same time, realizing that this can be a very challenging experience for some people and how we approach it can make all the difference in the world. I know personally that when I feel twin is judging me the weight of that judgement is ten times more powerful than any other judgement from anyone else. This can have the power to simply "crush" me which causes me to withdraw. Being gentle with each other and realizing that this is a new experience might help us all as we move forward.