Collapsing Duality...Journal

Copyright © 2008, 2009 & 2010 - by Collapsing Duality


Hello all :) Just wanted to pop in since I haven't written here in awhile.

All the kids are having a blast. Kings Island went off like a fireworks show. And - we did watch the fireworks show :) We didn't ride the diamond back roller coaster but we rode some level 4 coasters that were pretty fun - 'specially for the kids.

I will be writing more when I have time. For now, it's all about the kids.

Nothing much to talk about on the journey path. Haven't been buzzed by Paul in awhile. With all of the karma he has sown, maybe he's finally getting right with God ;)

Peace and love to you all and keep those Twin Flame stories coming.




CD.NING ROCKS! Every last one of you - ROCKS!

In regards to your spiritual work and donations to help beat the .ning policy - you are all coming through BIG TIME!

Ya know - this is not a church or anything. It's definitely not a cult. We are anti cult. This is not a site where we post up the names of people who put their hard earned dollars to keep up a site that is all about ideas and spirituality and connecting.

Like the song - We Are Family ;)

I would love to share your names - but I don't want this place to be like all those other places that made us search for this place anyway. Everything you donate, every ounce of your path that you share, every piece of love that you have within - is accounted for, by GOD.

I am not that guy who will walk down the center isle of a church and reach a basket out for you to put your dollar or two inside to have my name posted up on the church wall with the amount donated. That's how church was for me, when I was a kid. 

Brendan is not a preacher, nor is Paula. We share one path out of many.

Paula and I are not that couple who go to a place of prayer and say one thing and do another. We do not practice the American way of spirituality like the majority. In other words: we do not go to church, say one thing/practice another and after church - go get an 18 wheeler breakfast on a Sunday morning. It doesn't make any sense to us - NEVER WILL - and we don't want to be a part of that.

You guys/gals/ladies - deities, are amazing. I wondered if you all would come through. If you didn't, that would be okay too. I would understand. But...yall did it!

As of right now, after our last donation tonight, we have in advance 3 more months worth of cd.ning. After Paypal takes their transaction cut of the donation, we have exactly $58.96.


CD.COM and .NING is the greatest group of people I've ever had the pleasure to come into contact with, on  the web. I mean that.

- break -

My new job is going great. In a month and a half time I was promoted to manager status for Cincinnati. The last supervisory job I had was in Boston and boy oh boy have times changed. The technology that I am having to learn is making my brain expand in ways I can't even tell you. I compare it to not exercising for a year and then suddenly deciding to do wind sprints without stretching. My brain feels so much heavier and yet, I like what I do.

Back in Boston as an RF Tech we used to save our rf spectrum balancing shots to out meters for plant balancing and then upload them. Now, working in wireless, it is so much more advanced. Like Popeye, I think I need a can of spinach for my brain. LOL

I still have to get used to all this video conferencing with people around the country. They gave me a Macbook Pro and during meetings I have to get online and video/tele conference with peops around the country.

I would like to eventually use this technology amongst us here at CD.COM and .Ning. But, my personal pc does not have a built in video cam. I will need to figure out what works best.

Your ideas in regards to this, are welcomed :)

- Break -

I have my kids coming out from MA for 2 weeks. :) They will be here on Sunday and will stay for 2 weeks. We will all be going to Kings Island Amusement Park and I WILL be riding roller coastes like a mad man. OH YEAHHH!!!! 

My oldest daughter who is 11 wants to ride it with me. She already looked up the Diamond Back roller coaster on line. LOL! She is so cool. She is far braver than I was at that age. But now, I love that thrill.  

Molly, my youngest, God I can't wait to see her smile. What a good girl and I miss her so much.

Eryn, Kemper, Lily and Molly will all be reunited by this Sunday. Imagine that :) It will be just like it was on Cape Cod.

btw - you're not going to believe who owns the company I now work for. It's not Jim Channon either. In fact, this person is far more well known. LOL. Most all of you will know this person.

God - I wish I could tell you.

It's killing me not to tell you. It's so funny :))

I love you guys -




The new house is coming along real great. All of our spirit friends are back. Remember the ones we talked about in our last home together on Cape Cod? Yup...there back :) They are letting us know it too. They close doors, turn on lights and knock things over all the time. Perhaps this new home will be our new Grand Central Station for the spirit world. LOL

Paula has been busy cleansing the house with sage. I have a feeling we will have to rid the negative spirits and close what ever portal is open here. Let me tell you, there are some things I can do without. Like when a chair gets knocked over or binoculars go flying across the room. That stuff ;) So...we have our work cut out.

Another interesting thing happened since we moved in. It was the night of the 3rd of July and people were letting off fireworks everywhere. Really great ones too. Paula had run down to her Moms house - just down the street. A minute drive. She called me when she got there and told me to go outside and check out the ufo. Naturally, I dismissed it as the fireworks going off. But, I went out and looked anyway. I saw a bright red circle about the size of a dime held at arms length. I watched it a minute and it didn't go away. Then it moved quickly to the left and then back to the right. I knew it wasn't fireworks. So...I told Paula that she was right and I flew back inside to get my digi camera. When I came out it was moving off - slowly. I began unzipping my camera and POOOF!!! It was gone as if somebody hit a switch.

Anyway, Paula is always seeing ufo's. She video taped one last year. Remember the video :) That was a crazy one. Yet, unexplainable.

A message - We are still getting buzzed but not by Paul anymore. That link is broken. Journeywise, he cannot hit the side of a barn even if he tried. I guess he thinks he can have Ali do his dirty work and make false promises. I have a gut instinct that he (Paul) actually believes his childhood nickname that his parents gave him - the antichrist! It's true. He is the puppet master to many around him - but not to us. Paula and I march to the beat of our own drummer - not his! No amount of money and no promise either true or false will ever come between Paula and I. God, for some reason has left the lines of communication open between Ali and us. While we are forgiving people, I would advise you Ali to choose your words wisely with us. Our patience is thin. Too much damage you both have caused to everyone around you. One last thing. Please stop buzzing Paula. She's not interested...and frankly, neither am I. Paula and I are going to get back to where we were before we ever met you. That's where we're going to pick up at. That time is not yet. But we will get there.

Finally - Thank you to K. and A. for their recent Twin Flame story submission. I enjoyed reading it very much. Thank you, thank you :)

Love to all



Finally moved out of our  1 room and into our new home. It's amazing how much crap we have in boxes. We're still moving and imagine it will be that way for the next 2 to 4 weeks. All of my muscles hurt from lifting boxes and when I sit down, I fall asleep real easy 'cus I haven't stopped. Paula feels the same way and she just recovered from surgery. So - imagine how she must feel. But...we have our own diggs again! Yesss!!! That is a good thing :)

The house is huge! I've never had a 3 car garage before. It is an electric one. The garage alone - could be made into 2 more bedrooms. But...with all the stuff we have between us, Paula and I can find plenty of room for the boxes. We were given a giant sectional couch that went into the basement where there will be a sort of play room. I just have to hook up the cable for the tv. Paula and I have the master br where there is a jacuzzi tub in the br and walk in closet. Kitchen is huge! Living room is huge! What more can I say :)

The week before last I officially cut ties with my ex-wife. That was while I was in Massachusetts. So, I'm officially divorced. That's one thing off of my plate. Now I just have to make sure my two children who live with her still are taken very good care of. That is hard to do when you live so far away. But, I do plan on living closer to them in the future - just not with them.

I let them know all the time that they are welcome to come live with Paula and I, but I think they just feel more comfortable with their mother right now. And - that is just fine :) I want them to be happy. They would be happy here, but I honor their choices just the same.

- break -

I want to say THANK YOU to Cherry & Shermy and Marisa and Chris for our latest Twin Flame stories we've been priveleged enough to share with you :)

I still have two more stories to add to the site and I am planning on doing just that, over the 3 day weekend that I have - the July 4th weekend. I just hope I don't sleep it all away because I am so exhausted from all of this moving. Phewwww

- break -

I wanted to take a minute and talk about the recent events going on with popular spiritual sites - like .Ning, Ashtar Command and Gaia which was first known as Zaadz.

I belong to Ashtar. I joined Ashtar after I joined Zaadz. Everyday I get emails about people leaving Ashtar because of some crisis. What is going on??? Why Now?

I also know that Collapsing Duality .Ning is going to become a pay site. $25.00 p/month. Now, with 50 members, if we all pitch in, it would only cost us .50 cents a month - EACH! If we can raise the money amongst us, I will take care of the payments to .NING. But if we cannot, I cannot afford to pay for it to stay up. Collapsing is enough of a payment for me to handle. To date: we have $16.11 donated which is basically $9.00 shy of what we need to make our payment which should be due in about a month.

I like CD.COM. I would love to see it stay. I love to see all the great topics that are discussed in the forefront and without all of the negative hype and useless drama that you tend to find on certain other sites. Rebecca has done a great job of making sure of that. It's nice to have a place to go to where people are not throwing one another under the bus or backstabbing or attacking another because of what somebody believes in. I would love to see CD.NIng stay up and running.

Let's make it happen. We have about a month left.

btw - did you get to read Paula's latest journal entry? :) That ones a hard act to follow. I won't even try. But...she blows my mind every time with her words.

Worshipping is so easy when you love your partner to the nth




The other night Brendan and I were laying in bed and he looked at me.  I was happy we were moving into our new home and we were busy getting settled.  We were finally relaxing when he said, "Isn't it great to be living with your fantasy?"  My heart started racing and I was blushing with excitement.  It is great living with my fantasy... Brendan is much better than any fantasy I could ever have.  It's those little things he says and does each day that lets me know I'm his Queen.  Brendan you are my King as well, my dear.  I hope I give you joy as much as you do me.  

Him saying that one line also took me back to one of the first trips I ever made to the east coast to see him.  He could be a great movie script writer easily. It was at Point Judith in Rhode Island.  We were sitting at the beach on a cliff by one of the lighthouses when we were kissing.  He looked at me and said, "I love that you are my future."  That was it!!!  I melted.  Since then he makes me melt on a daliy basis.  

I just thought I'd share a peace of my sunshine in my life with Brendan.


Just a quick note. I'm back from MA and Paula and I are busy moving into the new house. We'll have internet up at the new place by Monday. So...we'll talk to you all then :)

Brendan and Paula



I just wanted to give shouts out to Hunter from the Hunter & Superman Twin Flame story. Shouts out to Ashwari from the War & Love Twin Flame story. Shouts out to Rebecca and Kristin from CD.Ning and the rest of you over there making it happen while Paula and I recover.

Sheesh...It sure has been awhile since I wrote. I guess I just needed some time away to deal w/everything and actually watch as the sun is starting to peak through the clouds - figuratively speaking.

With so much stacked up on us for such a long time, finally some things are falling away to make room for a new life. As you know, I got a really good job with lots of great opportunity. I already wrote about that. What I mean is that Paula is practically back to health and will be cleared to go back to work herself next week. We are moving out of our 1 bedroom and will finally have our own place again. So...that's what I mean about the sun coming out or peaking from the clouds.

Part of this rebirth also includes cutting ties with some people who were unhealthy both spiritually and physically for us. You know who we're talking about. Paula wrote about it in her 6/13 journal entry. I'm not going to be talking about it anymore on here.

Instead of writing on here, I've been going for long walks and hikes. It's the only way I've been able to deal with all of this garbage that is now being unloaded from my soul. There is so much good that remains within me, but there is still so much crap that needs to go. So...I go for long walks and hikes through wooded trails dealing with all kinds of issues ranging from anger to sadness. 

Watching Paula in pain for so long really kicked my butt. There was not much I could do to ease that pain, except to simply be there. Yet, I wanted to do more. Since I couldn't, I built up a lot of anger about why this was all happening and I internalized it.

Then there is the fact that we have been living out of a single bedroom since February - Paula has been living this way since October. Talk about frustrating!!!

Then there is the fact that I have two little ones living back in Mass. that I rarely get to see. It's just not right and I have to make it different because it is causing me so much pain and grief. 

The good news is - I get to see them this week! Wahooo!!! I'm psyched about that. I am going to take the two of them out to eat and treat them. They deserve it so much. Frankly, I just can't wait to hug them.

- break -

Yesterday we did something a bit different. We packed up the cars and went to King's Island. We all had such a blast - especially Kemper and Lily. Since Paula couldn't ride the Diamond Back rollercoaster as she is still recovering, me and her sister went on together. It was my first really big coaster and we ended up getting the last seat. OMG - so much fun! I loved it so much, I went on 2 more times as a single rider. The second time I sat with a bunch of college students and I felt like I was in college myself - even if just a short period of time. By the third time, I just put my hands and feet in the air it was like I was flying. What a rush. Now I gotta find an even bigger and faster roller coaster :)

Later on, Kemper and I went on the white water rafting ride and soaked. Then, I got to take a trip on the sling shot. This is like a capsule where they strap you in to a seat that is connected by 2 cables that are stressed from 2 crains. Once is stressed - they turn you loose and you go flying up in the air. I almost lost my hat on this one. The video footage was hilarious. They actually have a cam on the thing so you can watch the replay. LOL!

The food was great! We had ice cream, hot pretzels, beer, coke, name it.

Today, we got the key to our new rental home. Wahooo!!! Since I will be in Mass. this week, most of the moving will happen when I get back later this week. But, Paula found some help so she'll be getting in there tomorrow to do some stuff.

The renters left a pet turtle for the kids. They named it "5" because the turtle (a her) had the number 2 and 3 in its shell. So...they named it 5.

til next time




As I lay here in bed, I sit and think.  My mind races with all the things that need to be done... yet I can't do yet.  I watch my children spend time in there rooms alone watching TV or playing video games.  They come to see me in my room at times and say to me, "Mommy, I hope you get better soon."  I watch Brendan when he comes home from work wondering what to do and how he can comfort me and make me feel better in some way.  It saddens me to see myself in this way and what it is doing to others in my life.  It's been five weeks since my surgery and complications have kept me from healing normally.  I know it will take some time but how much longer do I have to wait before I can actually just go for a simple walk, or stay out of bed for awhile and just have a normal day?  My worries don't stop there either.  I worry about Brendan and how he is doing coping with being without his children.  I can't imagine being without mine.  All I can do is think back to my days on Cape Cod without them for a month at a time.  It was hard on me then and that's the only thing I can relate Brendan's dilemma to.  His sadness I can only imagine and try to be there for him.  (I love you Brendan, and I'll be there for you always and in all ways.)
Not only is that going through my mind but we're supposed to move in a week.  I can't even lift 2 gallons of milk let alone help move.  I've tried to gear myself into packing but when I do I get so tired I have to take a nap to gather more strength.  I wonder about the collapse of others who are connected to us too.  I wonder sometimes if we have any connection of things happening in their lives.  My friend who is renting her home to us is moving to Alabama.  Her husband is an engineer for a contractor for NASA.  He's been at that job for almost three years and he travelled back and fourth from Ohio to Alabama for those three years.  They had a house built down there and it will be completely ready for them on June 17th.  She found a job as a research nurse and is supposed to start that at the end of the month.  The crazy thing is when she decided to rent her house to us things started happening.  Her husband will be layed off at NASA and she'll have two house payments and five children to worry about until her husband can get back on his feet.  Is it us?  I can't really say but all I know is where ever we go people seem to suffer around us.  I wish you well and hope K can find a comparable job soon.
Please don't feel pity for us or think I feel responsible for the world's problems because I don't.  For those of you who know me personally and talk to me know I'm a real woman and I have very real expectations.  I don't feel sorry for myself or live in a fantasy world where everything is beautiful.  I am a good woman with a good heart and I don't need confirmation to know that. My good works will show that in itself.  I do however wonder why the universe deals such crap to people who are really good hearted and only wants what's best for those around her.  I miss work and my psychiatric patients and thanks to all of you who have called me to wish me well in my recovery.  Thanks to all who have put us in your prayers and thoughts.  (A message for Janet, I feel you and your prayers all around me.  I know your pipe rituals are going to work.)
Moving on to other things:  I need to write a little about myself and the pyramids and maybe mention God in all of this.  I've had many dreams over the past week and have been travelling through the planes with our son Prome' (pronounced Prom ee).  He is a child of Idavathian and Protilius.  He's been showing me the simpler things of the planes that an adult wouldn't even look twice at.  We've fished believe it or not, and if you don't catch the fish it will catch you.  LOL.  He's been a really great messenger.  He's let me know that the world around me will not totally crumble.  He's told me that my connections with some incarnate souls are broken and are meant to stay that way.  Abusing my empathic powers and manipulating my thoughts was not part of the plan for our higher selves.  That is over.  I will use my empathy to help others not let others take advantage of how strongly I feel and play my feelings against me.  Prome' stated "Paul would no longer be able to access any part of me and my dream last night was to show both of use the connection was broken for good."  I don't know if he had the same dream or not.  I will not confirm it with him.  All I know is the cord is cut and he can't come into my life and hurt me ever again.  Only through my own will can this cord be reattached and that will never happen.  Prome' has also been a great buffer between my higher self and my incarnate self.  I've learned things of Idavathian that I am glad to have learned.  Unlike my incarnate self she knows of no real fears.  I suppose it's hard for me to understand that in a way.  We all have fears and whether or not we let our fears have control is really the issue.  I learned to operate most of my decisions in life on love and not fear, but fear does come into play at times.  Since I've lost my home and everything I own and I have had trouble financially since then, I've found my fear to be that I won't be able to take care of my children.  Fear makes me paralysed and that I won't except.  I know there's another way.
Sometimes, I wonder what God's big plan is for me and what purpose I'm supposed to appease him with to make all the suffering stop.  I know this is not what I see God as most of the time and thank heavens for that.  I've spent days praying, pleading, and even cussing God because of all the suffering I've had to contend with and yet I've gotten no real answers from him or from our higher selves or the angels for that matter.  I wonder how come I can talk to some of these entities and yet still have no real defined answers.  I guess it's true what Prome' stated.  "IT COMES FROM YOUR OWN HEART."  I spat at him when he said it at first.  I was pissed off he had the nerve to say it.  Then I realized he was saying what I already knew, "do things from your heart with love and that will help you in every situation."  Idavathian came to us last night and said the same thing and that's when it hit me.  When I fear the world and the circumstances I'm placed in, it only makes my pain and fear amplified.  If I operate with love the things I'm facing don't seem to be as bad as if I were operating from that fear.  Not rocket science but something I probably needed to hear again.
Since I've been layed up and not able to do much, I've spent alot of time researching Aliens and UFO's.  It's intriguing to say the least.  I'm not a UFO chaser nor will I ever be one.  Why I bring this up is this... I heard Linda Moulton Howe state many times that we are in parallel universes living simultaneously with one another.  Life exists on many different planes at once and we are not alone.  My thoughts are this...You don't have to look toward the skies to see that there is more intelligent life out there, it exists all around us.  Look at the plants, animals and nature in general.  Look at the complexity of it then take it to its simplest form.  We're all connected to each little molecule of matter.  We are part of life as it exists to infinity and to God.  Not one person, animal, or plant is more significant than the other.  We are all equal.  We are all one.  We are all part of the Universe and we are all part of God. So whatever life there is out there, I want to believe.  I believe our higher selves are part of this universe and may look a little alien.  That doesn't mean they'll come down in spaceships and carry us away one day for crazy reproductive experiments.  All that means to me is that my belief's have taken me to a place I'd never have seen or experienced.  I'd not learn the way I have and grown to know my own abilities in the psychic world as I've come to know it.  It doesn't matter to me what you believe, but that you believe.  Keep the faith!  I know I will.


5/30/2010 or 11

Happy Birthday Collapsing Duality

We are 2 years old (young ;)



A Tale of Synchronicity

On 5/19 I wrote about us calling it forth. Trust me, WE CALLED IT FORTH!!! On 5/23 I announced that I received a job opportunity that I couldn't refuse. Prior to that date I had one meeting with the man who would become my new boss. Yes, he considered my resume, but from the way he acted and based on his demeanor and decision making, I could tell that he hired me mostly on gut instinct. On 5/24 I started working the new job which will require me to travel at times. This is a job that I can't talk about because it is classified. 

I will be working with many former military people - veterans - ranging from Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. So far I am the only Navy vet that I know of and will be working closely with 2 marines.

Anyway, about that synchronicity :) On the second day, towards the end of the day as we were getting ready to call it quits, we all began telling military stories of our experiences. I shared a story about my experiences in Tijuana, Mexico and so did one of the Marines. Then, just when we thought we had run out of stories, my boss begins to tell his story. It was amazing!

He began his story which was not even about him, but it was about his Uncle, Jim Channon, who was Lieutenant Colonel in the Army for many years. Then he told us about how his uncle was able to manipulate energy and could walk through walls and burst clouds just by thinking about it. Then he told us his Uncle wrote a field manual for the US Army entitled: The First Earth Battalion Manual. It only gets better :) Hehhehe

Then he ( my new boss ) asked us if we ever saw the movie The Men Who Stare at Goats? I don't recall hearing any of my new co-workers saying either way because I was too busy (privately pissing myself) because of the subject matter he was talking about. I think I just stood in awe and kept listening and held a poker face because I knew where this was going. I know now, that I had heard of the movie, but never actually seen it - not until I got back from my business trip :)

Anyway, my boss begins to tell us that this movie was based on his Uncle, Jim Channon whose part is played by Jeff Bridges. He explained further that his Uncle taught what was in this instruction manual to many well known people - even all of those famous remote viewers I often talk about who came out of the US Military during what some call, The Psychic cold War. While he didn't mention everybody by name, I did my research when I got home and found that he knows Ingo Swann - better known as The Father of Remote Viewing. That means, if he knows Ingo, he knows the rest of them :)

OMG - this is such a synchronicity and so, so cool!

So, after he was done telling the story, I just stood there dumbfounded and feeling rather naked. I know that this company was going to be doing a full background check on me and even though I have held a Top Secret Clearance before, I began to wonder if they "already had my number" if you know what I mean.

Either way, I kept my poker face even though I wanted to tell him, "Remote Viewing...I know all about that!"

So...when I got back, Paula and I went to the video rental store and found The Men Who Stare at Goats, in the New Release section. Amazing! I figured it was an old movie for some reason. Then, we came home and watched it. It was great! It's a really funny movied and it has a great cast with the likes of Jeff Bridges (who plays the part of my bosses Uncle,) Kevin Spacey and even George Clooney.

All Paula and I could do was laugh at one another. She told me that my bosses story was for me. I believe it was too.

So, we have been researching Jim Channon as of late - in between adding the latest Twin Flame stories- which we hope you enjoy.

Here are more links to Jim Channon:



- break -

While I was on my business trip, my first night at the hotel, I was buzzed quite a bit by Paul who is better known as Protharus. All of the readers here know this person. We have mentioned that before but I am not into keeping too many secrets unless it's a matter of national security. Yet, you still  have something to hide. The time of hiding behind alter egos has passed and the time to step up and assume your rightful place in the Divine Order of Creation is now!

ooops - just went off on a tangent ;) forgive me lol

Anyway, he (Paul/Protharus) buzzed and journeyed to me. I think he was curious as to what I was up to since writing my last journal entry. I could hear him enter the room after my right ear buzzed. But frankly, I had a long day at work and The Red Sox were playing The Devil Rays on ESPN. Not to mention - the Sox were up 4 to nothing and the bases were loaded as the D-Rays pitcher kept walking in runs. So...I didn't tap into the buzz or pick up the telepathic phone to hear what Paul wanted. However, I knew he was there. In fact, I knew he was watching me at work that day and the following day to see what I was up to.

I wondered myself why he was so curious. Then I began to laugh to myself wondering if he was thinking that I'd write a tell all book about our journeys back and forth to one another. Hehehe. No, I don't think I'll write a tell-all book but I may ask you to write the forward ;)

BTW - I did speak to him yesterday and he looks pretty bad. I saw him as if he was wrapped up like a hot dog. But I know that this is what happens with serious back injuries. My brother had the same operation and he was laid up for much longer than what Paul's PR campaign is stating that he may be out of commission.

Whatever the case, I had a brief conversation with him via journey mode as he lay there all wrapped up and stiff. I'm not going into much detail (too personal) but I did ask him to review everything that has gone on in his life over the past 3 months - especially those things that were never reported! Those are things that only Paula and myself know - and his very close family and friends.

While trying to find more about what's going on with Protharus on the internet, I noticed one article had a picture of the outside of his house - not visible because of a large fence. Yet, one thing did stand out to me. What was that? A very large crane. When I saw this, I began to wonder what on Earth that crazy sob was up to now. I wondered why on Earth anybody would have a crane of that size (appearing to tower 3 to 5 stories high) in their yard.

I do have an idea to find out. What is that you ask? ;) I think I am going to do a remote viewing experiment on what is going on in Paul's yard. We can't obviously know right now because it is still under construction, but perhaps, I will turn this into a remote viewing drill that we can all take part in and find out later who was correct :)

I told Paula of that crane in his yard and the first thing out of her mouth was, "PYRAMID." Fat chance??? I don't think so. He has been known to wear pyramid earrings.

- break -

Paula is still recovering. She is still having her good and bad days and we'll be spending the rest of this weekend through Monday/Memorial Day together.

Today, I was going to get her trained again on adding stories but she is in too much pain. These things cannot be pushed. She has to get better and for now, I'll just suck it up.

After Memorial day - it's back to work :)

- break -

I am working on a message board that can be posted directly on this site. When I find one that can be posted on Collapsing Duality, I'll let you know. I already found one, but it didn't work out well ;)

Another thing is the fact that we have 14 Twin Flame story submissions for May. WOW!!! This is unprecedented. I have only published 10 as I am still trying to catch up and do not have the time to train anybody yet. Once I get caught up, I will re-train Paula and then hopefully she will be able to train Kristin who has offered up her help with the site.

I tell our readers all the time that the number of people who are searching for their Divine Compliment is increasing daily and rightfully so...many are finding their other half and in turn, are sharing those stories here...which continue to grow. 14 so far for the month of MAY.



One page that I don't think is going to make it, especially now that things are heating up and people are CONNECTING like crazy, is the Your Story page. I may actually keep the page but will simply not be able to repost stories on that page at the capicity I once did. Since we are getting busier and busier, I simply cannot find the time to keep that page up anymore.

In the meantime, I will brainstorm to come up with another idea for a layout of that page. I really wanted to keep that page. When we were only getting 2 to 3 stories a month, that page worked - but now it does not.

Whatever the case, we will find a place so that all of your stories can still shine. 

Every time I create a page for each new story - that page does not go away. It will be on this site for as long as Collapsing Duality is up and running. And...there will always be a link for you (the reader) to find every story ever posted on here. That will not change. An example of this would be the Profiles page. Take a look for yourself how it is beginning to change.

More changes...

The charity page is going away and Paula is going to turn that page into her own baby. So...check back and see for yourself.

You will also notice that the Home Page of CD is 2 videos short. I removed 2 of the video slots to help speed up the page downloads for those who use dial up and dsl. Trust me, I am used to using a broadband modem and now use dsl. It sucks, I know! So...I'm doing things to help imporove the speed of the home page while still giving people a reason to even go to it ;)

Finally - I want to thank Megan & Rob and Jass & Ben for their recent story submissions. Clicking on their names, will take you directly to their page.

Thanks again for all of your stories that make this place what it is :)

This has been Brendan talking to you from ground zero. Now let's get out there and show them what the number 11 really means!

or - as Jim Channon would say




The day after the last journal entry, I got a really great business offer that I can't refuse. THIS IS GREAT NEWS! The past few years in my trade have been rough but finally, the universe provides.

I told you I was calling it forth and guess what? IT WORKED!

I will be away from the helm for a few days, possibly be back by middle week but we'll see. This is an opportunity I can't refuse. Finally, I will be able to help out with expenses here in Ohio and provide in a big way for my two children back in MA.

Paula is doing much, much better. She is impoving now at a dramatic rate. She will still be out of work for quite some time, but she is feeling lots better.

We are calling it forth about that house we are supposed to get in early July :)

A member from our pyramid (Paul) recently had a bad accident (another one because he has been involved in many fairly recently.) We just wanted to put it out there that Paula and I hope he recovers and wish his family nothing but peace and happiness.

I could tell you what the message is and why this is happening to him, but the message is for him and he has to ask God why?

There's been lots of hardship regarding the pyramid as of late. My recent entries reflect that. But, the day of Paul's accident, the numbers dropped by half at Collapsing Duality, with only slight improvement the next day. Not that numbers are important, but I notice these things and have been watching how whenever something happens, the numbers of people searching - drops.

I am still in contact with Elloweina, Protilius, Idavathian and our Father. I have been told many things regarding hardships in our lives and in Paul's. All I can say is that the more I get to know our Father, the more it sounds like the Old Testament. I didn't want to believe this either but as always, I report what happens and do not stray from my experiences. This is a path and nobody but God knows what is around each corner.

I once wrote in the article Contact, of how I thought there was something missing from the bible. Well, there was and that is the aspect of our higher selves.

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I want to thank the recent Twin Flame story submissions from Persephone & Rosebud and from Joanna and Albin. Your stepping out and sharing of your stories is a testament to the connectedness we all share and proof of divine union.

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There have been many requests to have a message board posted here. I will see to it that we get one up and running :)



Lot's to talk about.

First - Paula is still recovering and it is a slow process. She has her good days and bad days and sometimes a bit of both. But, she is doing better and better one day at a time. Thanks for your emails and concern :) I know that Paula appreciates it very much but she just can't respond personally yet.

With all of the the things being stacked upon our plates, several days ago I decided to make a statement of my own. Before I tell you what, I just want to say that all we have done is try and be light and teach about those things that our higher selves have taught us - which is only a fraction of what we have even had the time to write about. Why? Because it is raining chaos in our lives. They want us to be teachers ( a humble title for what they really tell us we are ) and yet, how are we to be teachers when either of us can even find the time to tell about what we have learned - AND IT IS ALOT!!!

I for one, am writing half assed articles. My latest article was only the first draft. Yet, if I don't get it out there, I know something will come up and I'll never be able to do it. We have notebooks of information in boxes in storage lockers because our lives are in such disaray. How are we to be teachers when we are constantly getting slammed with disease, illness and many other situations that keep coming up?

So...several days ago, I decided that I had had enough of Protilius within me and broke off the merger of our lower/higher spirit selves. I didn't even know if it could be done. It was experimental and I WAS PISSED! I had been having trouble communicating with him within me since the merge and I decided it was time that we have a face to face. Well, guess what? It worked :)

Just 2 days ago, Paula relieved Idavathian and we are now back to the way things were before the merge. We know this because we can seek them again and find them just the way the were when we first found them. 
I was not very nice about our reunion either. While this is a sort of partnership, one where where Protilius and Idavathian show us the way things really are, there is also a tradeoff. That tradeoff is life force.

I am not going into any more of this because we have told Idavathian and Protilius how unpleased we are that everybody around us is falling ill - including Paula. And there are more people that we haven't even mentioned here on this site. I don't see what the point is anymore.

We have told them our wishes and if they cannot provide a way for us to be together and teach about the mysteries of the spirit world the way they would like us to, then we cannot teach about their ways with heart, faith and belief that what it is they have to share - is truly LOVE. There will be no more pyramid talk until they show us.

So...we have in essence called them both to the carpet. be honest, with everything going wrong, the ball is in their court. 

I have met twice since the breaking of the merge with Protilius and once with Idavathian. Protilius is still Protilius - eager, full of energy and ready to merge once again. Trust me, I stopped him from stepping back inside me. I think he likes it a bit too much in there.

Idavathian on the other hand, looks very tired. Paula noticed that the whites of her eyes were more yellow thand white. All I noticed was that it looked like she was exhausted. I know that spirits do not get out of breath but it was as if she had just finished running the Boston Marathon. She literally looked out of breath and worn out. Yet, when I saw this, I dismissed it and thoght, 'you should try walking in Paula's shoes.'

There is so much I don't write about on here because I don't want to sit here and complain when we all have things we are going through. There is so much shit to deal with on all levels. But, I will tell you that I'll be glad when Paula and I get a place of our own. We live in a room right now. That's what our lives have been reduced to. I know it doesn't make any sense because last summer we were sitting pretty on Cape Cod and now we have hopes of moving into another really nice place - but that has been pushed back to July now. Will it happen? I hope so and am calling it forth.

We are calling forth for the universe to provide us with a safe haven where we, our children and all of us can be healthy and happy. We are calling for the our higher selves to provide us with the time and mediums to deliver the messages we have learned from them that need to be read. 

If we cannot have the time, place and medium to deliver this message the way they teach it, then it won't get out. And...if it get out, then it is half assed. I pesonally don't like publishing an article on the first draft. But, that's what I've been doing. I don't like it either. There's so much more for me to say. But I NEED TIME.

Do you want to know how they work - Protilius and Idavathian? Example: last night Paula and I were watching Netflix and something that Paula channeled from Protilius in the summer of last year came to mind. I'm not going to say what it is because I am sticking to my guns on this about not teaching until our lives are safe. Anyway, I connected that dot with another dot of information and figured out exactly how the pyramids are built from top to bottom. Remember when I said there was a problem that existed in the article: The Divine Order of Creation? Well, I figured it out.

Anyway, that's how they work. We decide we have had enough and then they give us some slack. Unfortunately, this time, that type of slack will not be enough. They are going to have to pull one big rabbit out of there hats to make us even want to pursue this path any further. We've called it forth - they know our wishes.

Going forward - we will continue as we had before we met our higher selves: Talking about Twin Flames.

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Be sure to check out the more recent video by Alex Collier at the top of this page or HERE.

I enjoyed watching this video by Alex which was spearheaded by Project Camelot and Kerry Cassidy.

Listen to Alex Collier's video. It's a good one ;) I like his spirit because he acknowledges the folly in man and recognizes the positive and negative sides in life.

Here is another really cool link that I found from the Project Camelot website:

So far...I've only checked out one of the editions but it appears to be well rounded.

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Our recent Twin Flame stories come from R. & G. and Hunter & Superman.

Thank you for your story submissions!

I am actually a bit backlogged because of the chaos in life. I still have 2 more to add and hope to make that happen over the next 2 days. So...look forward to 2 more Twin Flame stories.



Before I go into this entry, I just want to ask you all if you've noticed anything about the connection/energy that we have been dealing with over the past several days? Ohh yeahhh - it's way off! The connection is still there, but it has been greatly reduced across the boards.

It is now reflecting in the numbers of visitors we have to the site. 3 days ago it was fine and then yesterday - whamm! It's like we hit a brick wall. Even our most popular page where we get 55 to 60 unique visitors, today we have only had 27. We haven't seen this sort of fluctuation in months - not since the night Paul went coo coo for cocoa puffs.

All I can tell you is that whenever major shit happens within the pyramid(s) the numbers of visitors to this site drop as the people who are part of all of this - are feeling the energy. Today, is the sharpest decline I've seen yet! Over the past week we've averaged between 140 to 175 hits per day - (not including page views.)

Anyway, 'nuff of that. 

What is more important than site hits is the fact that Paula is home from the hospital now, yet - still recovering. It's going to be awhile. They let her go just 2 days ago and she couldn't get out of there quick enough.  However, she is still in a lot of pain and it's going to be a slow recovery. I'm just glad our Father decided that now was not her time.

I can't wait for her to make a full recovery so that she can get back to good health and we both can move forward. I can't imagine being in this world without her.

Elloweina said that after Paula - it would be my turn. I know I mentioned this somewhere over the course of the last two months, but I can't find exactly where. All I know is that Elloweina was told by our Father that Paula would go first and then it would be my turn. My turn for what??? That is what I've been trying to foresee. All I know is that when it comes from God, it's usually a curve ball. Well, over the past week instead of waiting to find out, I have been busy trying to meet whatever hurdle that I was bound to run into, half way. Yet, on the very day Paula was released, I got news that my youngest one has asthma and multiple allergies - including peanuts!

For those of you who follow the journal or have read them in entirety, you know that my oldest daughter has a disease as well - one that she will live with her entire life. My one greatest wish was that my youngest would be spared of any disease and live a perfectly healthy life, just like I have been able to. Yet, that has just been yanked from her and I cannot even tell you how I really feel. Have you ever been so sad and/or mad that you are beyond anything that could compare to those dark states of being? Well...that's where I am.

Elloweina said that Paula would make it through just fine, but that God felt that I too needed to be stronger for unspecified things to come in my future. Well...after learning that my youngest will not be able to live a life like that of most children, I helped him to better understand how strong and capable I really was. (go ahead and ask your angels and higher selves about that one. There are many lines to read between.) God is trying to break me and I'm not breaking.

I have been doing my best to help Paula because she spends most of her time in bed as she is still recovering. In fact, she cannot even get out of bed without help. That alone, is just the saddest thing to me. I am glad she is going to live, but to have this sort of curve ball thrown at me and my youngest child at such a time, has really become just a sick joke at this point.

Paula and I used to laugh that since discovering that we are mother and father to our pyramid, it's almost as if it's a curse as well. On the one hand, we have been enlightened to know first hand how the spirit world works and hold many of the keys and yet, on the other hand, it's as if we've discovered the tomb of a cursed mummy. Now - we no longer laugh at it at all -

This is serious business!

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There is a new Twin Flame story by Anne and Michael for those who have not found it yet. Thank you Anne for submitting your story. I really enjoyed reading it - as well as creating your own special page for the two of you.

Thank you so much :)

Collapsing Duality...Journal   May/June/July of 2010